Bed of Lies
by IShipLOVE
Summary: She can try to pretend that she hasn't spent the last four years selling her body for money. She can try to pretend that her pride and her self worth are priceless. That is until Rachel Berry walks into her life and she can no longer pretend. But she will die trying. Because if Rachel knew the truth, she would never stay.
1. Chapter 1

**Quite a smutty start. Be advised.**

 **######**

She had met Layla her freshmen year of college. Layla, who had been beautiful. Who had been a wonderfully impossible puzzle. Layla who had taken every leap first, assuring Quinn that when she herself jumped, she could land in Layla's arms.

Layla had been the first to do everything actually. The first to ask her out. The first to lean down and initiate the first of many earth shattering kisses. She had been the first to whisper 'I love you' in the back of a crowded movie theater, perhaps the least romantic place ever for such a thing, but to Quinn it was everything.

To Quinn, _she_ was everything.

Layla had been the first to suggest, not that they have sex, but that they could wait until Quinn felt ready. And when Quinn was finally ready, 8 months into the relationship, Layla had been the first to remove all of her clothes and ease any fears Quinn was having.

So when it was finally time to part for summer, Quinn had decided she couldn't let Layla lead everything for fear that she would think she was in this alone. So Quinn had been the first to suggest that Layla meet her parents and spend a week at her place for the summer.

She was hesitant. Hell, they both were. Layla had heard stories of Quinn's strict upbringing but after numerous attempts to convince her, she had finally agreed. She would meet Quinn's parents as her girlfriend.

* * *

It had ended badly. She had expected that. She had expected him to be unhappy with her. Disgusted even. So when he forced her to leave, she said nothing. Just kissed her mother goodbye and left.

And it hadn't been difficult at all actually. She thought she would've been devastated but really what had they ever done for her anyway? The clothes on her back and the shoes on her feet and the food on the table in front of her were not a byproduct of their love and affection. It was the byproduct of a great deal of money.

So when she left, she neither expected nor anticipated to return because there was nothing worth returning to.

And she was perfectly okay with that. She had Layla, who was kind and sweet and supportive every step of the way and so she would be perfectly fine.

Until the call came at the beginning of sophomore year.

Yale cashiering. They had called to inform her that her bill would be due before the first day of the semester. She had tried to explain to them that she was on scholarship. She had her entire tuition covered for four years. She was a Yale full ride recipient so she didn't have to pay.

But the calls kept coming. Kept reminding her that she had a bill to pay. And finally, when the issue was resolved, it was explained to her by the Dean himself that she had been removed from the recipient list because she had not met academic requirements.

That's absurd, she shouted. That's not fair, she yelled.

She had made straight A's both semesters. All of her life, in fact! There was no way she could possibly lose the scholarship that she had earned.

Unless…someone with more power and more influence than she could thoroughly imagine had taken it from her.

Which he had. Russell Fabray, who had pulled strings so that Quinn could be accepted to Yale without an interview _and_ receive a full ride, had pulled those same strings out from under her and taken her scholarship.

She knew better than to call him. She knew better than to think this was all some sort of accidental misunderstanding.

He had purposely done this to her and so she was purposely not going to acknowledge his childish and petty actions, knowing that's exactly what he would want.

He wants to see her beg for forgiveness. But she is not willing to subject herself to that. She will never.

But more than that, she has a greater concern. She has an outstanding balance of $29, 653.89.

And she has two weeks to come up with the money. But she won't. She knows that she won't.

She's literally packing her bags preparing to return home, knowing that Layla's family is not kind enough to let her stay after the semester has started, when Layla herself comes home.

Layla, always the more driven between the two of them, has managed to get Yale to accept Quinn on a conditional basis. They have agreed to put Quinn on a payment plan of $1,860 a week for 16 weeks to pay off her semester's tuition.

But Quinn cannot understand Layla's excitement because she is in no position to pay that sort of money. Not even if she got a job would she be able to pay it.

But Layla loves her and agrees to pay half of it for her. So Quinn stops moping and complaining and tries. She tries to get a job in the short span of two weeks. But nothing seems to work. And just as she is prepared to officially give up the fight, a boy from the lacrosse team approaches her one day at the coffee shop. She isn't really familiar with him, as she is a drama major, but she knows that he goes by Puck, even though she hopes that's not his actual name.

He tells her something she is already aware of, she's hot. He tells her what she already assumed, lots of guys would love the opportunity to go out with her. But then he tells her something she was not aware of, his friends would pay good _money_ to spend a night with her.

At first, she is disgusted by him, but he simply laughs at her and asks her if she's ever seen Easy A or anything. He tells her that buying dates and time and company is a burgeoning business.

And so she tells him she will think about it. And she does. Not only does she think about it extensively, but she talks it over with Layla, who is far more understanding and trusting than she ever should be. And so she agrees that Quinn should do it. If it's not sex and it's not romantic on Quinn's part, then she can live with it.

So Quinn does it. For two months, she sets up date after date. Her price ranges from $100-$200 depending on what the guy is looking for. Most of the Yale guys are just looking for nice, polite girls to introduce to their parents at a family dinner or gala. That's mainly who Quinn caters to because she has that pure Christian look about her that parents seem to adore. Small dinners are $100, but galas or anything lasting over 4 hours is $150 and up.

And oddly enough, these men pay it. Eagerly. And she thought for sure they would hound her about sex or at least a blow job, but they're all kind hearted guys just looking for someone to show off for the night. And most importantly, all guys that Puck (who has become something like a friend to her) would vouch for as "good guys" who understand the deal.

Except one. A lonely senior whose best friend is probably his computer and his right hand. Quinn feels utterly awful for him because he really is a sweet guy, opening doors and pulling out chairs for her. And so when he offers to double her pay for a simple handjob, she agrees. She doesn't feel good about it. In fact, she hates herself for how fast she accepts his offer. But it' Thursday and she doesn't have any more dates lined up as of then and she's still $500 short so she leans her hand across the armrest of the movie theater seat and strokes him off. He cums in less than a minute and she tells him she'll lick it off of her hand and swallow for an extra 50 bucks. He nods rapidly and almost cums again watching her make a show of licking his mess off of her.

When the night ends and he timidly hands her $450 cash, she thinks to herself that this wasn't so bad. That for two minutes of work and containing her gag reflex long enough to swallow a man's semen, she doubled her money.

And she considers that maybe she can do this again. Not often, but occasionally when she's running short and it's the end of the week.

But then she thinks of Layla. Sweet, trusting Layla who would be heartbroken if she ever found out about this.

And Quinn reasons that she's already fucked up. She's already cheated (because Layla thinks even thinking is cheating) and if she tells her, Layla will leave. So instead, she tells her nothing. And because she is who she is, Layla suspects nothing.

Quinn hates, for the first time ever, that she is such a wonderful actress.

* * *

What starts off as an "as needed" handjob, turns into something Quinn had never expected. A legitimate business. She has become the "Hitch" of campus. Running off of word of mouth alone and setting up so many profitable dates that she could pay her whole weeks tuition by herself. But that would tip Layla off and that's the last thing Quinn wants.

By the end of sophomore year, she has guys requesting her time every night of the week, but she knows she can't take them all on. Then she would never see her girlfriend. So she decides that she will take customers on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays only. This only increases her demand further and before she knows it, she has dates scheduled two months in advance.

Everyone knows the drill. The initial date is $100. Handjobs are an extra $100, but she offers two of them. Each blowjob is an extra $200. And if they want to cum anywhere on her body, that's an extra $200 as well.

Things are going quite smoothly and she gets quite a respectable reputation among the rich Yale scholars on campus, if you could call the business respectable at all. She finds sophomore year that her busiest, most profitable week is during study week and just after finals. Everyone is looking to relieve some stress and unwind and Quinn is all too happy to provide that.

But when one guy reaches down during a blowjob to stroke her pussy, she immediately pulls away.

"That wasn't part of the deal, Jamie."

"I know Quinn, I'm sorry. I got carried away. But I just…fuuuck. I wanna fuck you so bad."

He seems hesitant to say these things to her because he is a regular and he knows perfectly well how this works.

But he figures that at one point, Quinn was dinners only until someone convinced her to suck his dick. Maybe he'll be the one that convinces her to open up her pussy for business.

And though she wants to say no, his offer is one she can't refuse. An extra $500 on top of what he already owes.

Quinn wants to say that her body can't be bought. It's not for sale and neither is she.

But she loves this university. She loves the education and the opportunities she's getting.

And most of all, she loves Layla. Though she tries to separate business and pleasure, she reminds herself that the more money she makes in this side business, the more pleasure she can bring to her girlfriend. If she offers sex at $500 each time, she'll not only have enough for tuition, she'll have enough to buy Layla a ring. To settle down. To keep them comfortable until they get real jobs.

So she lays back and lets him slide his dick into her. It's not pleasurable at all. Not because of him, she's certain that if she were a straight girl who found him attractive, he'd be awesome. But she's not straight and she's not into him and so she just lays there waiting for him to finish. He spills himself into a condom and when he's done he slides off of her, kisses her cheek, and digs into his wallet.

He gently places the money onto the night stand and tells her he'll text her to set up another appointment.

She leans over and counts it. $800.

Her only thought is not of Layla and how awful she should feel for letting someone else have her.

Her only thought is that she knows her body is worth more than that.

* * *

And that's how it starts. For the men that she likes, that she knows won't take advantage, she offers the option of sex for $500. They usually agree pretty easily, even the ones with girlfriends. She wants to be disgusted, but then remembers she too is a lying, cheating asshole.

Of course the more time passes, the less guilty Quinn feels. In fact, she becomes more calculated. More careful. In order to have sex, the boys have to come with a health report within the last 14 days showing that they are free from any and all sexually transmitted diseases. She is still having sex with Layla and she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she caught something and gave it to her.

So they wear condoms and she takes the pill and all is well.

She even makes a game of it. The base price for sex is $500 but Quinn has found that when she's riding them in bed, or chocking on their dick, or eating some guy's ass (even though they swear they're not gay or anything) she can get them to agree to just about any price.

Sometimes she'll tell them, "You're fucking me too good. This is worth $700 now."

Ego boost to them. Pay raise for her.

But her absolute favorite is when she gets a new incoming freshman who hasn't had experienced sex like this before. He'll ask her nervously how much and she'll whisper in his ear while stroking his cock, "You tell me. When you come up with a number, just let me know."

For a while, all she hears from them are a litany of swears and curses.

"Fuck that's good."

"Deeper baby."

"Suck it. Take it all."

"Yesss, I'm fucking-fuck!"

And then right as they're cumming, just as they're at the height of their passion, she'll pull off of them completely and squeeze the base of their dick so that there's no way they can come and she'll ask again.

"How much is it worth to you, baby?" And they'll scream out the most absurd numbers.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, a thousand! A thousand dollars, just let me fucking cum!"

"Shit Quinn, come on! I mean, fuuuuuuck," she licks the tip to inspire him to think harder. "Fuck fifteen hundred!"

On one occasion, she is too late and he cums before she can stop him. But as she clenches her pussy around him and he thrusts up into her spilling his seed into the condom, he whispers,

"This is some $5,000 pussy."

And he delivers every cent and then some, tipping her for….she doesn't even know or care what the extra hundred is for. It just goes into the savings like the rest of it.

And that's how she gets along for the remainder of her time at Yale and by the time she is finishing up the last few weeks of her senior year, she had not only paid her $177,000 in tuition (some of which was covered by scholarships she had garnered), but she had managed to buy Layla a ring and put some away in savings.

She was going to propose right after graduation while at dinner with Layla and her family.

She was going to spend her life with Layla and leave all of this behind.

But then there's this party on Thursday the week of finals. Most people are done with finals by now except Layla who has a Friday exam, which is her last. She insists that Quinn go without her and so she does. Hours later, a few shots in her system Quinn is approached by Puck and a few friends asking for the one thing she swore she would never do.

A gangbang.

$1,000 for each of them. There are twelve of them. She doesn't think she can handle it really, but she _knows_ she could use $12,000 so an inebriated Quinn agrees. The whole time she thinks of the beautiful wedding she and Layla will be able to afford with $12,000.

* * *

Maybe one of the condoms breaks. Maybe they were never wearing any. Maybe she had missed a pill or two. She can't remember really. All she knows is that two weeks later she is violently ill and pregnant.

She has proposed to Layla and Layla has said yes and has been on cloud 9 ever since and Quinn is not willing to lose that. So she goes to the clinic and pays to get rid of it before she can begin to get attached.

And yes, it hurts every fucking day but not as much as losing Layla, she reasons.

* * *

For some reason, the students on campus are much better at keeping the fact that they're fucking her a secret but the moment she has an abortion it seems like the news spreads like wildfire.

And when people dispute it, mainly the girls, asserting that Quinn is a nice sweet girl dating Layla the architectural major, a video surfaces.

Of Quinn and twelve guys fucking her in every possible hole. They slap her in the face with their dicks. They spank her. They cum inside of her and force her to squeeze it out. They stick two dicks in her pussy and ream her ass. They are not gentle and Quinn is not asking for them to be.

And suddenly Quinn looks like a slut. The same sweet gentlemen who swore to keep her secret are now spreading lies that this sort of thing happens all the time. And when Puck speaks up and says it isn't true, no one believes him. Because everyone has seen it for themselves.

Even Layla. And that kills her more than the entire campus knowing. She would rather all of the United States and all of its territories know…but not Layla.

"You lied to me. You looked me in the eyes and lied to me. All of those nights when I would reach out and touch you and you would pull away—oh god. What if you had contracted something and given it to me?! Quinn how could you do this?!"

She tries to approach Layla, not looking to explain because of course this is exactly what it looks like so there is nothing to explain, but she wants to hold her anyway. Just one last time.

But Layla just pulls away.

"It was just work for me. You know I needed the money. It never meant _anything."_

Surprisingly enough, Layla nods as if she understands. As if she isn't angry.

"But the worst part is that you…you got rid of it Quinn. You…we…we could've at least talked through it."

Quinn couldn't believe what she was hearing. But then again, why should she be surprised? Layla was one of the most understanding people. She was hurt by the cheating, but she understood. What she couldn't understand was Quinn having an abortion.

"Talked through what?! Keeping some random guys baby?!"

Layla flinches and Quinn knows she has no right to yell.

"It was a life Quinn. A life and you treated it like _nothing_."

Quinn has nothing to say to that because she's been wrestling with that as well.

When Layla leaves she doesn't try to stop her. What's the point? Layla would probably never see her as anything other than a lying, cheating, baby killer anyway. So she lets her go. And she even lets Layla take her heart with her, knowing she won't be needing it ever again.

And after Layla walks away, what else is there to live for? What else is there to be careful about?

So Puck sets her up with a filmmaker friend and she gets into the amateur porn business.

She does that for a year after college. So long in fact that sex no longer means anything. It can be sweet and passionate or rough and deliciously painful but she doesn't care. It's just sex. It's just acting.

But eventually she finds herself needing a change. A change of pace. A change of scenery. A change from herself, even. She tells Puck that she's going to take a break from the old Quinn. She wants to be whole again. Made new. And she doubts she'll find that in the porn industry.

So he wishes her luck and sends her on her way and that's how she winds up here.

In a new apartment. With a new haircut. In New York.

Where everyone goes to become someone new.

 **######**

 **Well, I know it's very different from anything else I've written but this idea came to me and wouldn't go away. This is just to provide me a break from OC &C, but I have every intention of completing both. You'll probably get every other updates, while I work on mapping out Contracts, although this will only be five or six chapters. Please review and let me know if I should continue! Thank you for reading! Until next time! :) **


	2. Chapter 2

With this sort of money on her hands, she is not pressured to work. So she gets to do what most people never do. Enjoy the city.

It's been two months and she still has yet to see it all. She tries a new coffee shop every morning, skips lunch in lieu of reading a good book, and tries a new restaurant nearly every night. A few nights a week, she cooks dinner for herself, trying a new recipe from online. She'll rent a random Redbox movie she's never seen before if she's really feeling adventurous.

For Quinn, this is life now and though she certainly wishes she had someone to share her evenings with, she's happy. She knows that having a relationship isn't worth the trouble and the judgment that comes with explaining that she has sex with strangers to make her money.

So she has yet to make any friends or acquaintances. She has a neighbor, Carolyn, who sometimes knocks on her door asking to borrow a cooking utensil or ingredient. And in the process, she'll casually ask Quinn how her day was or what new places she's been to while in the city, but that's as close to a friend as Quinn is willing to get.

Another trend for her now is eating out alone. And that's where she finds herself tonight, in a new restaurant this evening, sitting alone at a table for two.

She had stumbled upon this place purely by accident. She had initially looked up another restaurant entirely, however, she had written down the directions wrong and told the cab driver 75 East instead of West.

This other place is more like a hipster café than the high end restaurant and the environment is a strange mix between casual and fancy casual so she feels incredibly overdressed in her evening dress and heels, meant for a much nicer restaurant.

But she orders a Pepsi and chicken Marsala and prepares to be 'dazzled by this evening's entertainment' as the announcer keeps saying on stage.

Finally, her meal comes at it seems the same time as everyone else's and the lights around her dim slightly.

She is then met with what she thinks has to be the most beautiful woman she has seen in quite some time. Long brown hair with a blonde highlights and long tan legs peeking out of a sinfully short pair of shorts. Quinn cannot take her eyes off of her and so her food gets cold as this unnamed beauty sings song after song. She ranges from Broadway classics to modern acoustic versions of some of Quinn's favorite songs. And at the end of the night, she leans into the mic one last time to speak.

"Thank you all so much. Enjoy the rest of the evening."

Quinn has no idea who she is. The mystery songstress doesn't even have a name. But that doesn't bother Quinn one bit. A name would surely only make Quinn want her more.

* * *

She has a bit of a routine now. Each morning, she chooses one of her favorite coffee shops to have breakfast at before heading to the bookstore to read a book or maybe two. Then she heads home to relax and shower before getting ready to head to Edwin's for dinner. She has been back to Edwin's every night for the past 2 ½ weeks. Not to see the girl, of course, because that would be obsessive.

No, she reasons that she just loves the food and the atmosphere. This has nothing to do with the girl. She doesn't even care about the girl.

Or at least that's what she tells herself until one day, while grocery shopping, she sees her in tight black jeans and a thin hoodie. And before she can think about what she's doing, she says just loud enough to be heard, "Broadway?"

The mystery brunette turns away from the freezer of frozen foods cautiously until she sees that it is Quinn speaking to her and her caution turns into a curious smile.

"Ballroom gown?"

"Ballroom gown? Is that what you call me?" Quinn sounds taken aback which causes her to blush.

Rachel laughs lightly, but Quinn isn't sure what's so funny. "Yeah, I don't know if you remember, but the first time you came in you were _way_ overdressed in this long blue dress. And, I mean, I had to call you something. You're my most reliable audience member."

So she had noticed. Quinn turns her head to the side, needing to look anywhere but at her.

"Right. Well…" She literally has nothing to say for herself.

"You call me Broadway?" Quinn can hear the smirk in her voice and so she turns back towards her looking her firmly in the eyes.

"Yeah, I do actually. I'm sure you can figure that one out. But much like you, I was forced to make something up." Quinn says, sounding positively frustrated for no good reason.

But she supposes that she's probably frustrated because as much as she knows she should stay away from this girl, every bone in her body has been wanting to know a name. A birth place. A favorite food and color. A biggest fear and life dream.

"Well, you could've just asked me, you know? No need to get so worked up about it." She laughs again and Quinn knows if she keeps standing here, listening to this beautiful woman just _laugh,_ she is going to trade all of her non-vital organs to keep this Broadway beauty around forever.

But as Quinn opens her mouth to deliver an abrupt goodbye, this woman extends her hand and introduces herself. "As flattering as 'Broadway' is, just Rachel is fine." She smiles genuinely, but Quinn struggles to keep a groan inside.

For 2 ½ weeks, she had managed to avoid a name for that gorgeous face. The announcer had often just referred to her as the "lovely talent for the evening" or "the brown eyed beauty you know and love" and Quinn was perfectly fine with that.

But now she knows her name is Rachel and that upsets her. Because Rachel is a beautiful and very fitting name. And more than that, Quinn & Rachel go so well together. Mrs. Rachel Fabray doesn't sound half bad either.

Eventually, Rachel must get tired of Quinn ignoring her outstretched hand so she brings it back towards her body and she looks away from Quinn momentarily, providing her with just a second of respite from those alluring brown eyes.

Rachel is peering into Quinn's cart looking incredibly confused.

"Wait…those are real ingredients. If you actually know how to cook, why do you eat at Ed's every night?"

 _And that's the million dollar question._

Dear fucking god. She realizes she needs to get out of here.

"I…like the food there better, obviously." She huffs out. But it's obvious the way Rachel's eyebrow quirks that she doesn't believe her.

"Anyway, I have to go." Quinn says, almost against her own will because all she wants to do is stand here staring at this 'Rachel' a little longer.

Rachel doesn't say anything for a moment, she just stares at her and Quinn wants to comment but that would require further conversation which she surely cannot handle.

"Will I be seeing you this evening or….?"

Quinn's initial instinct is to tell her to fuck off. She wants to tell her that she won't be there tonight or any other night. But all that comes out is, "Of course."

 _Goddammit. So fucking weak._

But then Rachel smiles and in the distance she can hear angels singing and a cure for cancer being discovered so she regrets nothing.

"Perfect, see you tonight then."

Quinn sighs as she walks away.

 _Knowing her name is not the end of the world_ , she reminds herself. _It changes nothing._

* * *

But actually, it seems that their small interaction at the grocery store sparks a significant change because that very evening, as Quinn is sitting at her usual table shaming herself for even having a 'usual table', Rachel sidles up next to the table and fills the unoccupied seat across from her.

Quinn's face must scream absolute horror because Rachel's smile falters slightly before speaking.

"I'm sorry to bother you…I just thought you might like some company?" Rachel bites her lip hopefully and Quinn's urge to feel those lips on her own is so overwhelming that she all she can do is nod involuntarily. But the relieved smile Rachel is wearing keeps her from thinking about any awkwardness that may ensue because of what she is allowing to happen.

Rachel settles in a little further, organizing her own silverware.

"You know, the first time you came here, you sat at this table and I watched you sit here for almost an hour and no one ever showed up. This is such a romantic little place that I assumed someone had stood you up. And I kept thinking to myself, "Who would dare leave a woman like you lonely at a table for two? But then as the days passed, I began to realize something. And do you know what that something was _?"_

Seeing Rachel in front of her, with more make up on than usual, but looking beautiful as always, her breath catches every time she inhales and all she can do is shake her head.

"I realized that instead of asking 'Who would leave her?', I should be asking myself, 'Why not join her?' So here I am, appropriately overdressed and everything." She gestures down to herself and Quinn sees that she is in a tight short black dress and a pair of heels with straps up her ankles and she feels something stir in her.

She needs to say something. Rachel will think she's an idiot if she doesn't say something.

 _Tell her she looks beautiful, stupid._

"You..you want to eat me? I mean-I mean, eat _with_ me. Sorry." Quinn almost rolls at eyes at how fragile she sounds.

But Rachel doesn't comment, she just lets out a litany of laughter that warms Quinn's heart in such a way that she never thought possible. At least not anymore.

"Yes, I really would like to eat _with_ you, among other things. I hope that's okay?" Rachel seems unsure and so Quinn nods quickly, never wanting her to be uncomfortable, even in the midst of Quinn's awkwardness.

"I..I don't get it, but it's fine. Yeah."

Rachel sighs and fiddles with the napkin in front of her.

"Listen, I know this is very forward of me. And believe it or not, I actually never do this. It's just that I am a firm believer in fate. However, I also believe that the universe only gives us a limited amount of chances to pick up what it throws in front of us. I've watched you come in here every day for two weeks and every day I've said 'Today, I'm going to get her name.' But the opportunities have either escaped me or I was too nervous to approach you in all of your infinite glory. But running into you today was…a reminder to me that if I wait around and never even ask your name, eventually you'll be gone. And I'll regret just letting you go. So here I am." She finishes boldly with a breathy laugh.

And though Quinn wants to shut her out, like she's done with everyone else in this city, everyone else in her life, in fact, she finds that she can't. She can't tell her to leave or to not ask questions because for the first time in so long, no one's asking questions about how many dicks she's sucked or how often she masturbates or any other intrusive questions about her sexuality that people think they have the right to ask just because she's a porn star.

All Rachel wants is a name. Her name. And as she plays nervously with the cutlery in front of her, she feels compelled to give her that and so much more.

"My name is Quinn." She says strongly.

Rachel smiles so that Quinn can see every one of her perfectly aligned white teeth.

"You know, I must confess that I really thought you were going to tell me today when we were at the store. I was so hoping you would, but then you didn't and curiosity really was starting to get the best of me. I was so tempted to find your receipts or something and get your name that way. But..I am so glad that I waited to hear it from you. That is the most beautiful name I've ever heard."

Jesus fucking Christ. She is so screwed. Rachel is a smooth talking goddess and she has no idea how she's going to survive a whole night of this, but she thanks her for the compliment regardless.

"Don't you have to sing tonight?" Quinn asks, desperate to talk about something that can't possibly charm her right out of her dress.

Rachel shakes her head. "I took the night off. It only seemed fair that if I was going to steal all of your time, I should give you all of mine as well."

Well, it seems to Quinn that no topic is safe from Rachel's effortless charm.

"Well, thank you for joining me however, there's just one thing…," Quinn leans forward though there is nothing to keep Rachel from hearing her. "I have literally tried everything on the menu. I was grocery shopping today because I was going to make something at home and I only came tonight…because you asked."

Rachel laughs out loud at that. "Seriously?"

"Dead serious!" Quinn laughs along with her, relaxing immediately. "But I would love to continue this elsewhere! Maybe somewhere we can actually put these fancy dresses to good use?"

"Well…since you already have the ingredients…perhaps you'd like to take this back to your place?"

Rachel's words are almost incomprehensible, as she is wracked with nervousness, but Quinn hears her perfectly as if they are the only two in the restaurant.

And she knows she should say no. Obviously. If she thought knowing Rachel's name was bad, she can't imagine having Rachel in her home. But it's because of that that she says yes. Because it's already been a night of bad decisions, so what the hell? What's one more?

"Okay, but promise me you're not a serial killer?"

Rachel squints thoughtfully for a moment.

"Well, I don't know what the future holds so I can't promise that. But _,_ tell you what, I do guarantee you that if I _am_ a serial killer, I'll show you a damn good time before I murder you. How's that?"

Quinn hates that she finds that so very funny. She also hates that she stands without further prompting and grabs her purse from the table, prepared to go anywhere with this woman.

Rachel stands with her, grabbing her own purse, and leads them towards the door.

"Hey, just to warn you though, I can only make like 3 meals, all involving meat so I hope you're not a vegetarian or anything." Quinn says as she follows quickly behind Rachel.

She doesn't quite hear Rachel's response, just something about the 'universe having a sense of humor' and that's all Quinn has time to register before Rachel is grabbing her hand and whisking them out front to grab a cab.

* * *

So he just sent you on a train to New York and then never even called?"

"Nope, not once. He wrote me a letter about three months later saying that he didn't think things were going to work out, but by then I had already assumed as much."

"Wow…this Finn sounds like quite the asshole."

Rachel smiles sadly. "The worst part is that he wasn't always. He used to be such a great guy. Leading man material, you know but…I don't know, I guess we grew apart."

"It sounds to me like you just outgrew him. Which was probably for the best anyway." In an attempt to provide comfort (and not at all because she is curious to know what it would feel like), Quinn reaches across the glass table to gently stroke Rachel's hand.

Rachel smiles timidly looking down at their hands.

"Thank you Quinn. That's sweet of you to say."

They sit silently for a moment, Quinn watching the tan hand run light patterns across her palm. They have been done with dinner for quite some time but they have yet to leave the table. Quinn is reluctant to admit it, but she is greatly enjoying the company. She suspects that if it were anyone else, she would be more than ready for them to go. In fact, she probably wouldn't have even agreed to dinner at her place.

But this girl? This Rachel Barbara Berry girl seems to be the exception to every one of Quinn's rules.

"I feel like I've been doing all the talking," Rachel says interjecting her thoughts. "Tell me more about you."

Quinn immediately seizes. Rachel is right. She has been doing all the talking. Which really is fine by her because these days she prefers to keep most of her life private. She has learned from experience that it's the best thing she can do for herself.

About six months ago, she had gone out with a sweet girl named Hannah that she was too sympathetic towards to say no to. When Hannah started asking questions about her profession and how she spent her time outside of work, she had thought maybe if she gave away just a few details, it would be enough to sate Hannah's curiousity. She told her she was self-employed and liked to exercise in her spare time. Partially true. If she didn't sell herself, she wouldn't be employed. And she did exercise often, she just wasn't comfortable explaining the purpose of Kegels. But Hannah was a curious being and wanted to know everything and that was when Quinn understood the danger behind giving a mouse a cookie.

So before she can create a repeat of the Hannah incident, she goes to pull her hand away, but either Rachel senses the newfound tension or she just has great timing because she reaches forward with her other hand to hold Quinn's hand a little tighter, continuing to draw patterns.

Quinn sighs and gives in. "Wha-what do you want to know?"

"Hmm, let's see," Rachel smirks, "Worst relationship you've ever been in?"

"Wow, you don't waste any time do you?" Quinn laughs nervously as she tries to come up with a better way of saying 'I fucked half the student body at Yale and lied about it so she left me'.

"I have no time to waste. One life Quinn, that's all we get." Rachel has a seriousness to her tone, but the look on her face says she is also half kidding.

"Okay, okay, that one is obviously a bit heavy. You looked like you were going to pass out when I said it so I'll ask something else."

Quinn breathes an inaudible sigh of relief.

"Happiest you've ever been in your whole life?"

Quinn sighs again. She can't decide what's worse. Lying about the way she and Layla ended or reliving the way they began.

"I…um,"

"And you already used your free pass, so you have to answer this one!" Rachel says adamantly.

"Ugh, okay, happiest moment? I would say summer after freshmen year. I was staying with my girlfriend and her family and it was amazing. Her family was so warm and open and they treated me better than my own parents. I had her and them and that was really all I needed."

Rachel is smiling widely and it's creeping her out just a bit.

Quinn squints suspiciously, "What? Why are you looking like that?"

But Rachel just shakes her head. "Nothing. No it's…nothing."

"I don't accept that," Quinn scoffs, "It's never nothing. It's always something."

"Doesn't nothing count as something?" Rachel challenges.

"Not to me. Seriously, why the face? You look like Christmas just came early."

"That's because it did." Rachel smirks and bites her lip and Quinn has to look elsewhere.

Quinn isn't a fan of coyness. She likes straightforward conversations and easy to understand messages, but Rachel is an enigma she just can't seem to figure out. But she wants to. Dear god, she wants to. And so she's all too willing to play along and indulge her just a bit.

"Hmm..and what did Santa bring you, Broadway?"

Rachel smiles even wider at the nickname.

"Well, it seems that he's left a blond, hazel-eyed angel under the tree for me. She seems pretty life-like, but she's so beautiful that I can hardly believe she exists."

When she saw the brunette for the very first time 2 weeks ago, she thought for sure that she couldn't be more attracted to her. She's finding now that she was dead wrong. With every word falling from Rachel's perfect, supple lips, she has to fight her own impulses. It takes everything in Quinn to keep the smile off of her face. To keep her heart from beating out of her chest.

"Maybe she doesn't exist."

Rachel nods thoughtfully, "You know, I would agree with you, but then why does my heart skip a beat when she smiles?"

Quinn shrugs. "Sounds like maybe high cholesterol. You should consider seeing a physician."

Rachel laughs loudly. "Yeah, and tell him what? I'm love sick?"

Rachel immediately closes her mouth upon hearing what she's said. She must be waiting for Quinn to say something, but Quinn is too caught up in her head to placate her nerves.

She tries to remember when was the last time she felt like this? This free? This relaxed? This happy?

Truthfully, not since just after graduation more than a year ago. Not since Layla walked out and took Quinn's heart with her.

But it begs the question, if Layla stole her heart and never gave it back, how it is possible that Quinn is feeling…whatever _this_ is?

She doesn't want to admit it, but she knows this feeling. She remembers it well, holding onto it on her darkest days after Layla had left. This is the feeling of teetering on the edge of a cliff, just waiting for the other person to give you that last little nudge that leads to you falling deeply, madly, and truly in love.

But she barely knows Rachel. Sure, she's watched her sing every song under the sun in the last couple of weeks and she knows a few key details about Rachel's life, but that isn't nearly enough to explain this sensation she's feeling.

It pains and confuses her to admit it but not even did she and Layla ever click like this. When they first met at new student orientation, there was awkwardness. There was small talk. The first time they went on a date, they were already pretty good friends and yet they still didn't know what to say or how to act. And it was fine because she assumed that was how every first date was, that's how every relationship started.

Yet here she is with Rachel, a near stranger, perfectly content to keep this night going until morning. There is no awkwardness, no unsureness in the air. She and Rachel seem to just…fit.

And for a moment, Quinn wonders if this thing with Rachel could be different and better than what she ever had with Layla.

She tries to make a pros and cons list in her head about whether or not she should pursue this, see where it leads. But because of all the secrets she's keeping she knows the cons are many and so she gives up on that idea.

And that's when it hits her. Hard.

She _wants_ this. Whatever 'this' is, she wants it.

And for once, she doesn't want the cons to outweigh the pros, nor does she care if they do. As evidenced by the fact that despite knowing she should keep her distance from Rachel, they are sitting at her table eating what has turned into a three hour dinner.

She wants to give this an honest try with Rachel. Well…partially honest because if she was _completely_ honest there would be no try with Rachel at all. But she needs to at least try because she's never felt like this before, even with the girl she thought to be the love of her life, and that has to count for something.

So before she can lose her nerve, she nearly shouts out amidst the silence, "Do you want to go out?! On a date?! With me?!"

Rachel looks up, obviously she was deep in her own thoughts, and she looks like she's on the verge of a heart attack. "Wha-why are you yelling?! I mean, sure okay. But still…I'm right in front of you! You scared the daylights out of me."

Quinn shakes her head. "I'm sorry, really, I just…I just thought of it and I…I guess I didn't want to talk myself out of it."

Rachel smiles and laughs softly as her heart rate decreases. "No, it's…it's fine. I'm just glad you asked. I don't think I would've had the courage."

Quinn can't help it this time. She smiles back, caught up in Rachel's eyes and unable to look away.

"Yeah, well…anytime." They both share a laugh at Quinn's statement that makes little sense.

"Right, so since you asked me, you're in charge of planning everything."

The smile on Quinn's face drops immediately. "What? Seriously? That hardly seems fair. What are you going to be doing all week then?"

"Umm, the hardest part of all. Worrying about what to wear? Thinking about interesting topics of conversation so I don't bore you to death? Hoping to God you don't change your mind and realize that you are actually way out of my league? Trust me, Quinn, you have it easy."

Quinn shrugs. "Eh, I guess." Silence ensues for a moment as Quinn thinks of a way to alleviate Rachel's supposed 'suffering'.

 _Don't say it. Don't say it. Bite your tongue if you have to, you eager son of a bitch. Do not say it._

"You know, on second thought, I would feel awful if you had to go all week with all of those fears about finding something to wear and talk about, so how about we move this date up a few days to saaaaay, tonight? Right now?"

 _Oh my fucking God. Why don't you just tell her you love her right here and now?!_

Rachel looks incredibly surprised, but mostly pleased.

"Right this second? It's the middle of the night!"

But even as she's saying it, Rachel is smiling adorably.

"Yes, right now! This is the city that never sleeps! There's plenty to do!"

Quinn is beside herself with excitement, deciding to embrace this newfound feeling.

"But…I'm in a dress and heels…"

Quinn stands from the table and offers her hand to Rachel.

"Stop giving me all the reasons to say no and just say yes."

Rachel smiles up at her, her brown eyes dazzling in the light, and grabs hold of her hand.

"Okay, lead the way."

* * *

They end up finding a shop near Time Square that sells shirts that read "I 3 New York". Quinn buys herself a pair of shorts and dark blue jeans for Rachel.

Rachel is holding onto her arm gingerly as they walk the streets of New York, still bustling with tourists at nearly midnight.

"Ohh, can we get ice cream?" She asks as they pass by a parlor full of people.

"I thought you were a vegan? You literally threw a fit when I tried to make you a steak, now you want ice cream?!" Quinn asks incredulously, remembering how difficult it had been to make a meal that didn't have any meat.

"No, I said I didn't _eat_ meat. I started off as a vegan in middle school but when I moved here, I realized that wasn't a lifestyle I could continue if I actually wanted to survive. So I became vegetarian. Which means I can totally have ice cream."

"Well, okay then. Ice cream it is."

They go in and look over the flavors as they wait in line.

"Oooh, can I order for you?"

Quinn wants to say no so so badly. Though she always looks over the options, she only ever gets the same thing: strawberry. But Rachel is looking at her with a look that could melt Adolf Hitler's heart and she doesn't want to seem uptight or anything so she shrugs.

"Uhh, sure. But can I order for you?"

Rachel shakes her head, "Absolutely not. I only ever get Rocky Road. No sense messing with a good system."

 _Dammit. Why didn't you think to say that?!_

"Well, that hardly seems fair."

"You know what doesn't seem fair to me? The fact that I know literally nothing about you. What's your favorite color?"

"Black."

Rachel squints and for a moment, it looks like she wants to reject that answer but she figures that at least Quinn is answering.

"Why black?"

"It goes with everything? I don't really know."

"Hmm, okay. Favorite food?"

"Easy, chicken marsala. Especially from Edwin's. Simply amazing." Quinn closes her eyes for a moment to think of the meal in her mind and when she opens them, Rachel is staring at her in absolute wonder.

"What?" She asks cautiously.

"Nothing."

"Never nothing. Always something."

"Nothing _is_ something, Quinn." Rachel laughs exasperatedly before the attendant asks them what they would like.

"I will have Rocky Road and she will haaaave….cookies and cream both on a waffle cone, please."

Quinn doesn't even manage to conceal her groan. "Seriously? Cookies and cream? Those things do not go together! That sounds disgusting!"

"Sounds? Have you seriously never tried it?"

"I don't need to try it to know it's gross," Quinn says pulling her wallet from her purse.

"You can't be serious. Quinn it's literally just one big amazing oreo. You'll like it, I promise."

"Ughhhh." Quinn reluctantly hands over her debit card and signs for the shitty ice cream that she doesn't see herself finishing.

"Tell you what," she says as they head back onto the sidewalk, "If you hate it, I will personally take you out on a second date."

Quinn laughs so hard she nearly crushes her cone in her hand. "Well thank you! But that mostly benefits you, Broadway. It doesn't do anything to fix the fact that I had to eat this shitty ice cream."

Quinn looks over to Rachel frowning in her direction. "No Quinn because if you don't enjoy cookies and cream ice cream, it means you're probably not a very good person anyway which means that a second date would be a pretty unwelcomed punishment."

Quinn rolls her eyes but forgoes an actual response as she tentatively reaches her tongue out to lick a small portion of ice cream.

"Sooooo? What's the verdict?"

Quinn takes another lick, chewing the Oreo thoughtfully.

"It's not bad, I guess. If you like the taste of Oreos and unwashed feet."

Rachel just sighs and starts walking again in a new direction. "You're just saying that because you really want that second date."

"Guiiiiiilty." Quinn sings out, expecting Rachel to laugh, but she just stares at her like she's grown a second head.

"Have you seriously never seen that episode of Family Guy? When Peter gets infected with the gay gene?"

Rachel cocks her head to the side in utter confusion. "Quinn! There is no such thing as a 'gay gene'! You of all people should know that and for you to spread that sort of stigma is something I can't-"

"No, no, no. It's just a joke. Don't tell me you've never watched Family Guy?"

"I don't believe I have. But explain the context to me, I would love to understand."

Quinn rolls her eyes. "One does not simply explain Family Guy. You have to see it for yourself."

"Well, I guess you'll just have to show it to me."

Quinn laughs. "Oh reaaaally, Broadway? Now who's trying to get a second date?"

Rachel just shakes her head and continues with her ice cream as they walk in silence for a few minutes.

"Hey Quinn?"

"Hmm?"

"You…Why don't you call me by my name? You've been calling me Broadway all night…"

Quinn doesn't look over at her as she responds a few moments later.

"Can I be perfectly honest with you?" Ironic she realizes as she has no intention of ever being _completely_ honest with Rachel.

"Please."

"I…I've found that when I name things, I tend to get attached to them. Like when you name a stray puppy or…a baby. It's….it's a lot harder to let it go when the time comes."

She can see Rachel nodding out of the corner of her eye.

"Why are you so afraid to get attached? It's not like I'll disappear tomorrow."

Quinn doesn't believe that for a moment. Yes, this thing with Rachel could be wonderful, possibly even better than what she had with Layla for some reason.

But this will never last because even if things worked out and they fell in love, Quinn would forever hope that Rachel never stumbled across a photo or worse a video of her doing unmentionable things to damn near strangers. And it would mean finding other means of employment. And then there was the issue of….well, she would cross that bridge when she came to it. If she ever came to it.

But the fear of Rachel disappearing wasn't unreasonable, it was inevitable.

Upon receiving only silence and no response, Rachel speaks again. "Can I be honest with you Quinn?"

Quinn only continues to eat her ice cream, but Rachel understands her silence is permission.

"I…I don't know if this is going to sound crazy or whatever, but this this whole night with you is quite possibly the easiest thing I've ever done. I mean, it was all too easy to sit down at your table and then leave with you. It was too easy sitting there for _three hours_ just telling you about my family and my boring Lima life. Walking the city and buying t-shirts and ice cream on a whim has been so easy. And let me assure you Quinn, I am by no means a spontaneous person. I appreciate a strict schedule and having a detailed plan for each and every day. But with you…I'm open to anything. And…that could mean either one of two things. Either this will make it that much easier for you to kill me if you turn out to be a murderer or…this could be something. And I have no intention of disappearing on you because I'm dying to know how this ends."

"But that's exactly my issue. This, whatever this is," she gestures in between them with her free hand, "is bound to end."

Quinn wants to melt at Rachel's mini monologue, she really does. But she reminds herself that the issue is not how easy this is, but how it will end. How Rachel walking away is an inevitable result of any relationship they may enter into.

"With that mentality, how do you ever make friends? How do you date? How do you allow yourself to connect with people knowing that they may eventually leave or even just die? How is that any way to live Quinn?" Rachel sounds sympathetic, but the seriousness of the situation is deflated by how Rachel is rushing to lick all of the melting ice cream pouring onto her hand.

Quinn laughs involuntarily and pulls a napkin from her purse. Rachel smiles graciously but says nothing, clearly waiting for her to respond.

"I have friends Rachel. I connect on a friend level, but I don't typically date."

"Is that by choice or because the worst relationship that you refuse to talk about ruined that?"

"A little of both, I would say," Quinn responds before she can even stop to censor herself.

Rachel is right. This is way too easy.

"Hmm, I get that. Finn messed me up pretty bad for a while there too. For the longest time, I kept thinking it was me. That I had done something wrong, that I wasn't enough. But you know what I realized Quinn?"

"That you seem to have a thing for people whose names end with I-N-N?"

"Ha!" Rachel lets out a genuine, perfect pitch laugh and bumps Quinn with her shoulder. "No, but that does seem to be a trend. No, but… I realized that everyone deserves to be loved. Even the most beaten up, broken down people. Even the people who think that haven't done anything to earn that love. So my unbiased advice to you Quinn would be that if there's someone currently trying to get to know you, trying to become a friend or… something more…you should let them. Despite whatever happened in the past, you deserve to be loved. And do you know what else you deserve Quinn?"

She stops walking and so Quinn stops as well, turning towards her as she replies.

"To be kissed? Often? And by someone who knows how?" Quinn smirks, but Rachel is not one to be out done.

"No, I don't think I will kiss you. Although, you need kissing, badly." She recites, sending her own smirk Quinn's way. "But I was actually going to say that you deserve to be happy. You should never second guess that, Quinn."

They share a secret smile and Quinn thinks that maybe Rachel is right. Maybe she should just stop second guess and calculating and nervously trying to figure this all out. Because truthfully, it makes no fucking sense. And she supposes that it won't make sense in the morning after a good night's sleep either.

"Hey Quinn?"

"Hmm?"

Rachel doesn't respond right away and Quinn thinks for sure this is the moment when Rachel leans in and kisses her beneath the too-bright city lights and despite the constant crowd around them, but instead she just turns her body forward and continues walking.

"Would you like to play a game?"

Neither what she expected nor what she hoped for. But she shrugs anyway.

"Umm…sure?" She doesn't really want to play a game, but she also can't seem to say no to Rachel. So she finishes her cone and tosses the trash in a waste bin, so that she can devote her full attention to Rachel and her game.

"Okay, it's super simple. You'll enjoy it. Do you sing?"

"Not really. And certainly not as well as you."

"That won't be necessary. Any sort of vocal talent will do. Now, what's your favorite genre of music?"

"Hip-hop or rap." She answers immediately. Rachel's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and she completely gets why. No one is expecting the quiet, suburban, white girl who graduated from Yale Magna Cum Laude to love rap music. But it's the best music for giving lap dances and it's a proven fact that when guys are fucking her with rap in the background, they pay better. She doesn't know why that is exactly, but she also doesn't care. What started as a business only relationship between her and derogatory rap music has now turned into a pretty serious thing and now she finds herself listening to it even in her spare time. It's raunchy and degrading, but she loves it.

"Ooookay, that's an interesting choice, however, you may find it a bit difficult. I'll explain the rules and you can change it if you want to. Okay, so here's how the game works, based on the genre you've chosen, pick a song that perfectly describes this moment to you."

"Umm…I…I don't know what you mean."

"Like, pick a song that perfectly describes what you're feeling right now in this moment."

"Umm, can I have a minute to think?"

"Sure! I'll even go first. My genre choice will be country, though by no means is it my favorite."

"Hmm, okay." That's an interesting choice on Rachel's part because Quinn has never once heard her sing a country song so she is curious to hear what song she will choose. "And what song will you be choosing for-" But before Quinn can even finish her thought, Rachel rushes in front of her which keeps her from walking any further forward.

"I don't know if you were looking at me or not, you probably smile like that all the time and I don't mean to bother you but I couldn't just walk by and not say hi."

At first Quinn is confused and wants to interrupt because Rachel is just talking normally and it doesn't seem like a song at all, until she sings the last few words in what must be a 'country accent' though it's questionable.

"And I know your name cause everybody in here knows your name. And you're not looking for anything right now, so I don't wanna come on strong. Don't get me wrong. Your eyes are so intimidating.  
My heart is pounding but it's just a conversation. No girl I'm not wasted. You don't know me, I don't know you, but I want to."

And though Quinn doesn't know this song at all, she can tell Rachel has hit the chorus because she belts out the words.

"And I don't wanna steal your freedom. I don't wanna change your mind." Rachel is singing loud enough to draw the attention of passersby and Quinn blushes furiously which only makes Rachel sing louder, smirking because she knows how much Quinn is hating this. "I don't have to make you love me. I just want to take your time. I don't wanna wreck your Friday. I ain't gonna waste my lines. I don't have to take your heart. I just wanna take your time."

Quinn puts her index finger on her lips trying to tell Rachel to take it down a notch, but then she grabs Quinn's hands and spins her around. Quinn bumps into someone and apologizes while Rachel continues to sing and before she can complete her 'sorry', Rachel is pulling her so hard that her body runs right into Rachel's so that they are chest to chest with one of Rachel's hands around her waist to hold her.

"You could have rolled your eyes, told me to go to hell. Could have walked away, but you're still here  
and I'm still here. Come on let's see where it goes."

Quinn has been in this position before, pressed tightly up against someone with the choice to kiss them or hold back. The first time, she held back, terrified to make the first move and so Layla leaned in and kissed her first. This time though, Quinn finds herself unable to hold back as she stares into Rachel's warm brown eyes. She leans down tentatively, but the moment their lips press together, she is overcome with a need for more and she deepens the kiss at once.

Rachel moans lightly and the instant their tongues brush, Rachel's hand on her hip squeezes tighter which only ignites a fire in her body.

Quinn finally gets it. She finally gets what everyone's always talking about when they see fireworks. Because she doesn't just see fireworks, she sees a whole Disneyland display of them. And more than that, she feels it. Like something in her entire world shifts, like she was blind before pressing her lips to Rachel's and now she has the power to see. And she sees everything so clearly. She sees a future with Rachel Berry. She sees Rachel moving in with her and herself getting down on one knee and Rachel walking down the aisle in a lacy white dress and a happily ever after for them, despite everything else in Quinn's past.

After a few minutes of getting lost in Rachel and her own thoughts, Quinn is the first to pull away, but she doesn't go far, keeping her body tucked safely against Rachel's.

"Well, if I wasn't into you before…" Rachel breathes out, laughing.

Quinn just nods. She knows exactly what Rachel means. They stand there for a few minutes as people pass them mumble things like 'move, we're walking here!' and 'get a room, jesus!', but neither attempts to move.

But knowing that they can't stay here forever, Quinn speaks.

"Hey, there's a park a few blocks from here, wanna go?"

Rachel nods wordlessly and so Quinn grabs her hand and they proceed to walk in silence for a few minutes.

"What's your middle name?"

"Quinn."

"Oh, so then what's your first name?"

"Lucy."

"Oh….didn't see that coming."

"Well, I'm full of surprises."

 _More than you may ever care to know._

"Well good thing I love surprises. Why did you start going by your middle name?"

"I used to be fat. They called me Lucy Caboosey. So just before high school, I changed schools, lost all the weight and changed my name to Quinn because I figured there was nothing you could rhyme that with. Except Finn, I guess."

She tries to add that last part as a way of lightening the mood, but she can still feel Rachel looking over at her in pity.

"I'm so sorry Quinn. If it makes you feel any better, I was picked on in school too. So I get it. Wanting to start over and start fresh in a place where no one can judge you for who you used to be."

"Yeah, that's…that's exactly what I wanted."

She hates to keep comparing, but it is amazing to Quinn how different this feels. Everyone in her life, including Layla, has always accused her of running away from her problems and not being true to herself when she tells them of how she changed her name and appearance in order to fit in better. But Rachel just seems to get it.

Quinn squeezes her hand and they walk quietly again, finally approaching the park.

"I love the swings. They're my favorite." Quinn says nostalgically and before she can say more, Rachel let's go of her hand and takes off towards the swing.

"Last one there has to push!"

Quinn doesn't think twice before she takes off running, longer legs and years of cheerleading workouts making it easy to beat Rachel to the swing.

When she beats her by at least a whole 3 seconds, Rachel whines that it isn't fair.

"You cheated," she pants out.

"How do you figure that?"

"You're an angel, you probably used your wings or something."

"You're ridiculous. But since you are so sweet, I'll push."

Rachel smiles triumphantly and kisses Quinn on the cheek before taking a seat on the swing.

"Works every time. The ladies can't seem to resist Rachel Berry."

Quinn scoffs as she grabs the sides of the swings and pulls her back.

"And how many ladies have you used that line on exactly?"

"May I be honest?"

"I think that's the mantra of the night so why not?" Quinn releases her and she goes flying forward.

"You're actually the first girl I've ever done this with!" She screams out as she kicks her legs forward.

"I'm the first girl you've ever let push you on the swings? Wow, what an honor!" Quinn says sarcastically as she pushes her harder.

"Well, actually yes, but you are also the first girl I've ever kissed or even gone on a date with. This is a bit of a new self-discovery!"

"How new?" She pushes her harder.

"Well, let's see…it was a Wednesday when you first came into Ed's and sooo maybe 18 days new."

"Wow…okay, that's pretty new."

"Yeah, it is."

They swing in silence for a minute.

"You know, I know this probably sounds like a silly little phase to you, but…if you could feel my heart beat when you just look my way…" Rachel trails off as she puts her feet to the ground preparing to slow down.

Quinn sees what she's doing and reaches for the swing to stop her.

"I wouldn't have accused you of going through a phase. Actually…that worst relationship you asked about started out a lot like this. I was new to college, away from home for the very first time in my life and I met a girl at orientation that just blew me away. I had never been interested in women really, but she changed all of that."

"I want to get excited and ask what happened, but I'm sure I can guess," Rachel says sadly. She reaches around for Quinn's hand and guides her to stand right in between her legs.

"But you know, sometimes the journey is so good that it's worth reliving, despite the disappointment of the destination."

"I'm sorry, do you also write poetry in your spare time? Jesus."

"Nooo," Rachel says confused as to how that relates to anything she's said. "Although I did write a song once called 'Gold Stars'," she announces proudly.

"Was it about lesbians?" Quinn laughs putting her hands on Rachel's shoulders and playing with her hair lightly.

"No?" She laughs. "It was about my imminent Broadway success."

"Oh. That title is very misleading."

"Clearly, but hey, stop trying to change the subject. Tell me all about this girl."

Quinn boldly lifts one leg over Rachel's lap then the other so they are both sitting on the swing facing each other.

"Oh, hello." Rachel says seductively. They are so intimately close and the position is surprisingly comfortable.

"I'm trusting you not to drop me, Broadway."

"Don't worry _Quinn_ ," she wraps her arms around Quinn's waist to hold her steady, "I've got you."

She pushes off from the ground and they slowly swing back and forth. The swinging calms her, as it always has, and she tries to think of where to begin as Rachel waits patiently.

"Her name was Layla Carrington and we met at freshmen orientation and we dated all four years of college." Rachel nods, looking very impressed. "It was good. Great actually. I really loved her. She was my first love. My only love thus far."

"What happened to her?"

"I…I messed it up pretty early on. I-I cheated." As close to the truth as she can get.

Rachel immediately looks disappointed and so Quinn adds, "I'm not that girl anymore though. Seriously. Losing her changed that for me."

"She found out?"

"Yeah…I actually..." She can't believe that she's about to say this, something she hasn't even spoken of out loud in over a year.

"I actually got pregnant."

"Oh…." Rachel says plainly. She isn't being judgmental or anything of the sort, yet Quinn still feels vulnerable. She really does like Rachel, she really does want to see where this could go but she's fearful that an abortion will be a deal breaker. She doesn't need to tell Rachel explicitly. She doesn't think she could say it even if she wanted to. But surely Rachel knows. There are no pictures up in Quinn's house nor any evidence that a child ever visits so Rachel understands.

"I'm sorry Quinn. I'm sure that must have been hard."

God bless this girl. This girl who sees her as more than just the mistakes of her past.

It takes a bit of work, but Rachel manages to move her arm from around Quinn's waist to her face where she gently strokes her cheek in such a loving manner that Quinn could just cry.

"Yeah, it was the hardest decision of my life. And the moment I did it, I knew I made the wrong choice. I just…it seemed like the only way at the time, you know?"

"No, I understand. I mean, really I don't I guess. I've never been forced to make a decision like that but still that cannot have been easy for you."

Quinn shakes her head. "It wasn't. And the worst part is that…she said she could've understood the cheating, forgiven it even…but it was me giving up this little innocent life, that she could never live with. And sometimes I wish…" Though she had promised herself she wouldn't cry, a lone tear falls down her cheek and Rachel just watches, too afraid to touch her.

"I wish I could tell my baby that. That I would've kept her if I had known that I could've had it all. Or even if I had known that Layla was going to find out and leave…I would like to think that I would've kept her. And I just hate that I can't go back in time and fix it."

No more tears fall. She's probably all out of them. But she sounds defeated. As defeated as she feels, surely.

"You know Quinn," Rachel whispers delicately, not sure of what to say but wanting to say something to make it better. "Sometimes I think doing the hard thing is proof enough that you love someone. Sometimes letting them go says more about your love than holding onto them. And I think your baby would've understood that a child wasn't something you were equipped for so you had to do the hard thing."

Quinn nods but doesn't speak. Where has this girl been her entire life?

And that's when it hits her. The song that describes everything she's feeling in the moment, even though she hasn't watched the movie since she was a child.

She leans forward and places her forehead against Rachel's as they rock back and forth gently.

"I've never had this feeling before. She gives me shakes and shivers I can't ignore. And I see that there's more now than just running free. I've never felt my heart beat so fast, I'm thinking of her first and of myself last and how happy I want her to be."

Rachel loses her breath as she listens to Quinn's soft, scratchy voice and stares up into her eyes.

Quinn can tell that she's unfamiliar with this song but she's clearly enjoying it, which only makes her sing with a little more confidence. She usually isn't the singing in public, PDA, making a scene type, but she rationalizes that the park is completely empty at almost three am so this is just a private show for Rachel anyway.

"She makes me warm and happy inside. She smiles and I get dizzy and starry-eyed. All these feelings I have have me asking 'Can this be love?' It's amazing, someone in my life just might be loving me! I didn't know that I could feel this way. It's so crazy something in my life is better than a dream…I didn't know that I could feel this-"

But Quinn never finishes the sentence because Rachel is the one to lean up and kiss her this time. If possible, this kiss is better than the last because it's charged with feelings that neither Quinn nor Rachel can describe. She brings her hands up to run them through Rachel's hair as Rachel wraps one arm around her slim waist. She's not sure how long they sit there, just kissing like teens in love, but finally Rachel pulls away.

"Quinn, my leg is asleep."

"Oh, sorry, here let me just-" She's not sure what exactly goes wrong as she tries to pull her leg out from under Rachel's arm, but the next thing she knows she's lying flat on her back and her left hand in throbbing in pain.

"Oh goodness, Quinn, are you okay?" Rachel is standing over her looking positively terrified.

"No my wrist hurts like a bitch! What the hell Rachel?!" Rachel is about to move over to inspect her hand when she hears it. The sound of her name from Quinn's mouth and it literally makes her heart skip a beat.

"You…you called me by my name! I mean, it's a little disappointing. I had hoped it would be under better circumstances like in bed or something, but this is good—"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD RACHEL! I BROKE MY WRIST AND YOU ARE LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YOUR OWN FUCKING NAME?!"

"Quinn, please, there's no need to yell. I'm sorry you fell, but I highly doubt it's broken."

But the moment she looks at Quinn's wrist that is already black and swollen, she knows it's totally broken.

"Oookay, so you know what, I'm not a doctor or anything so maybe we should hold off on a diagnosis right now. I'll call an ambulance so we can get it checked out."

She pulls out her phone, but Quinn sits up and cradles her hand.

"No, absolutely not. I am not calling them so they can drive me 3 blocks and charge me like they just saved my goddamn life. No, it's fine, we can just walk."

Rachel offers a hand to gently help her, but Quinn shakes her head and thrusts her body a few times before she manages to pull herself up by just her legs, silently thanking her gruesome cheer coach as she does so.

"Is this a bad time to mention how sexy that was?"

Quinn purposely chooses not to respond, knowing she has nothing kind to say right now as her wrist continues to pound in pain. She turns towards where the park meets the street and heads that way with Rachel walking quickly beside her.

They walk silently for a few minutes before Rachel speaks.

"Do you believe that there's one true love for everyone?"

"What is with you and these heavy first date questions?" Quinn says more angrily than she means to.

Her tone effectively shuts Rachel up. But only for a few minutes.

"I only ask because I think there's only one _true_ love for everyone. I think once in your lifetime someone will come along and you'll know immediately why nothing else in the past ever worked out. And I was just curious about what you thought."

Quinn sighs. What does she think?

Of course, in the moment she thought Layla was her one true love, but when she's completely honest with herself though the initial sting of the break up burned her to the core, a year later she is okay. The majority of her current pain comes from the realization that she may never have that sort of normal, uncomplicated relationship again. But truthfully, she is doing well. And though she would never be comfortable being friends with Layla now, she wouldn't break down in tears if she ran into her again or anything.

"I…I don't know. I used to think there was one love for everyone but…" Yup, she's definitely not finishing that thought, but hopefully Rachel will get where she's going.

But as usual, Rachel doesn't just get it. She's _experiencing_ it just like Quinn.

"But then if your love was Layla and mine was Finn…"

"Then what the hell is this?" Quinn finishes quietly, more to herself than Rachel but she hears anyway and nods in agreement.

They walk another block in silence.

"I hate the pressure of defining this. I hate the pressure of having to figure out what this is."

"Me too!" Rachel interjects.

"Great!" Quinn breathes a heavy sigh of relief then regrets it as her hand throbs again from the movement. She grits her teeth and takes a few deep breathes as Rachel looks on helplessly.

When the pain subsides, she continues. "So, can we just agree to be open to anything?"

"Wait, so correct me if I'm wrong, but basically what you're saying is that despite me breaking your wrist, you're open to a second date?" She says with a smirk.

Quinn scoffs. "If it's broken, you bet your sweet ass you're taking me on a second date. It's the _least_ you can do."

Rachel rolls her eyes as they approach the hospital. "Fingers crossed it's broken then."

* * *

They discover that it's broken in two places which Rachel says means she actually owes her two dates now.

They leave the hospital 3 hours later with a stale cup of black coffee in Rachel's hand and a purple cast on Quinn's wrist.

"Come on Quinn, just let me sign it."

"No, absolutely not, Berry! I refuse to walk around with a tacky cast that's got writing all over it like some twelve year old kid."

"Pleaaaase."

Quinn doesn't even bother responding. She looks up towards the sky to find the sun rising in the eastern distance.

"Wanna get breakfast?"

Rachel wants to continue the cast conversation, but she figures that at least two more hours with Quinn will surely wear her down, so she agrees easily.

Quinn slips her right, unbroken hand into Rachel's and she leads them towards the nearest diner eager for anything to distract Rachel.

For a while the distractions work, but as they wait for their food, Quinn starts to drift to sleep at the table and when the waiter brings their food, as she reaches for her fork she sees it.

Written out in perfect scrawl with gold sharpie is just one word. Or rather one name with a signature star at the end.

 _Rachel_

She doesn't say anything as she stares at it and as if to diffuse any possible anger, Rachel speaks quietly as she pour a little syrup over her banana pancakes.

"I know you're scared to say it because you're afraid that you'll get attached or whatever. So I figured, if I wrote it out, it would be less scary for you."

Quinn finally pulls her eyes away from the perfect handwriting to look at Rachel, who looks desperate for her to say something.

"This may just be the drugs talking, but all of sudden the thought of being attached to you doesn't seem so scary anymore, Rachel Berry."

Rachel doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to. Her smile says it all as she stares at Quinn like nothing else in the world matters.

"That's probably the drugs talking but that's fine. You've got 204 more bones in your body that I haven't broken so if that's what it takes to keep you interested in me, I'm willing to do whatever's necessary."

Quinn is laughing loudly but she doesn't even care anymore.

Quinn, who doesn't sing in public and hates PDA and never likes to make a scene reaches over and grabs Rachel's hand and belts out, "I need to tell you something. Yeah, I need to tell you something. I really really really really really really like you! And I want you, do you want me? Do you want me too?"

And when Rachel joins in and sings even louder and purposely more off key than her, she knows that it wouldn't have mattered if Rachel had written her name on her cast or not. She became attached to her the moment she walked onto the stage and into her life 2 ½ weeks ago.

Rachel abruptly stands and pulls her up from the table and, ignoring the annoyed customers and frustrated staff trying to tell them to take their seats or leave, she sings to her in the middle of a diner at 6 in the morning and Quinn feels it.

The push she needs to fall over the edge of the metaphorical cliff and in love with Rachel Berry.

 **######**

 **Oh dear god. Soooo….that's over 10,000 words but I literally could not find a good stopping point. I hope this chapter does not disappoint because I slaved over it. Haha I also hope this gives you a better feeling of what the story will be like, since I know the first chapter threw some of you off.**

 **Unlike the first chapter without much dialogue, I wanted to show the instant connection and the chemistry and I hope you got that. If you liked it, let me know! If you hated it, let me know why! I write for myself but also for you guys! :) The songs sung were "Take Your Time" by Sam Hunt, "I Didn't Know I Could Feel This Way" from the Lady & The Tramp 2 soundtrack (don't judge!) and "I Really Like You" by Carly Rae Jepson. **

**Until next time! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

Two dates somehow turns into five. Five turns into 10. And then 10 turns into more than she can count.

And she finds that she doesn't all mind. In fact, she's been happier in these past three months than she's ever been in her entire life.

She and Rachel have spent the nearly every day of summer exploring the city together, going to the beach, trying new restaurants and book stores, bike riding through parks and making fun of tourists in Time Square.

And every night, they've gone to Edwin's for dinner, where Quinn orders while Rachel sings and then once she's done her negotiated hour and 15 minutes on stage, she comes down to have dinner with Quinn while all the other patrons gawk at them.

Yeah, Quinn can't believe Rachel's hers either.

All in all it's been a perfect summer, like the one's she used to have in college when nothing else mattered but having a good time and relaxing. She's spent nearly every day with Rachel, getting to know her and learning all the things she likes and dislikes, all the while falling further in love and she has cherished each and every moment. But Quinn knows better than anyone that nothing good can last a lifetime.

Because there are two serious problems with hanging out every day. The first is that she's running out of spendable money. She has a few thousand left in her savings that she refuses to part with, but only $800 left in her checking. And problem number 2, certainly the worse of the two, is that she has yet to tell Rachel how she makes her money.

Sure, Rachel has asked. On many occasions actually. And Quinn always says the same thing:

 _"_ _My parents finance my life and that's the way I like it."_

 _"_ _Yeah, I knooow. But don't you ever want to work? You have so many talents, baby. Why not put the degree to use?"_

 _"_ _Nope. I prefer not to work."_

 _Rachel laughs from her spot in Quinn's lap._

 _"_ _So you're really just going to live off of their money forever? Ugh, I'm literally dating a spoiled, rich kid. Disgusting."_

 _Quinn looks down from her book to make certain that Rachel is only kidding and when she sees a playful smirk, she resumes her reading._

 _"_ _But on a serious note, if you ever want to get a job and be my sugar mama, I would be fine with that."_

 _"_ _Shhhhh…quiet you," Quinn chides placing a hand over Rachel's mouth, all the while never looking up from Gone with the Wind._

And so she's managed to avoid it for months. But tonight, she's worried. She's worried that three months of avoiding has come back to bite her in the ass because Rachel has said the two words that everyone dreads.

"We should talk."

The words make Quinn look up from her tofu steak, eyes wide, hand mid-air with steak speared onto her fork.

"Uhh…did I do something wrong?"

Rachel bites her lip and looks up at Quinn, but not really at her, more like past her. That's what makes her most nervous.

"I just think we should talk about some things we've probably been avoiding these last few months."

 _That's not a no,_ Quinn notes. In fact, her words feel like strategic avoidance. Quinn sighs and suddenly has no interest in finishing her meal.

Her chest is tightening and her stomach is nauseous. The worst part is that Quinn has been doing so much lying these last few months that this could be about anything. She really doesn't mean to be so dishonest, but of course, it always takes five lies to cover up for the initial lie. She worries that maybe Rachel knows. She's found a video somewhere or googled her and found some private photos or something and she knows.

But as she watches Rachel eat, she appears to be very level headed. She wouldn't want Rachel to be heartbroken over the porn thing, but knowing how much Rachel cares for her, she _would_ be. And she definitely doesn't look devastated. Just nervous. And kind of sketchy.

Quinn pushes her plate away a few minutes later, needing to put herself out of her misery.

"Okay, you know what, how about we just talk now? I can't eat until I know what's going on."

Rachel runs her free hand through her hair. "Baby, please just finish your food and we can go for a walk."

Quinn sighs. That's their thing now, going for walks that usually lead to the very park where Quinn broke her wrist on their first date.

They take walks and discuss anything and everything. Most of what she knows about Rachel was discovered either at that park or in bed cuddling. And usually, she's the first to suggest a walk, especially in the middle of the night, when the city is buzzing around them because that's when she knows without a doubt that she loves Rachel. Because, despite everything around them, all she can see is Rachel.

But now, a walk sounds like death.

"I'm not hungry anymore Rachel."

Rachel stares at her for a few minutes, looking torn, before raising her hand to call over their usual server.

"Hey Andy, can I get a box for this and the check please?"

He nods quickly before going to get their items.

"Thank you," Quinn mumbles, now slumped in her chair, utterly depressed about this talk.

Rachel rolls her eyes, but smiles fondly. "You are such a baby."

Quinn grunts initially, but then sits up a little straighter when they bring the check. She doesn't want to give Rachel even one more reason to leave her. If that's what this is all about.

Rachel pays the check this time, which is such a rarity that Quinn is even more stressed and they head out into the warm night, hand-in-hand.

Quinn's grip is loose and she almost laughs to herself and the metaphorical undertones. She refuses to hold on too tightly for fear that Rachel will let go. But on the other hand, she's nervous that if she grips her hand too lightly, Rachel will think she doesn't care about what they have at all.

So she holds a little tighter, trying to find a happy medium, which seems to please Rachel because she leans in just a little closer as they meander through the city towards the park.

And for a moment, she is at peace.

But when they arrive, Rachel separates from her. They are still holding hands, but Rachel is walking at least a foot away from her, stretching their arms out across the pathway.

They walk in silence for a moment, and Quinn wants so badly to break it, but Rachel is thinking so she allows her time to do so. Secretly and selfishly hoping that if this is a break up talk, giving Rachel more time to think will help her to talk herself out of it.

Finally, Rachel sighs deeply.

"I want to have an adult conversation with you, is that okay?"

Quinn squints, she has no idea what that means.

"I have no idea what that means."

"It means you are particularly good at avoiding subjects and questions that you don't want to answer and I am usually prone to let you because for some reason dating an adult sized child is humorous to me. But I want to talk like adults this time. I want to be able to ask you questions and receive honest, upfront answers for every single one. Okay?"

Quinn deflates internally. So this is about the porn. This is almost worse than just a straight up break up. Because at least a standard 'This just isn't working' break up would leave her with her pride and self-respect.

"Quinn?"

"Yeah yeah, adult talk. Got it," She snaps. Her defenses are already up and though her instinct should be to try to hold onto Rachel at all costs, her first desire is actually to pick a fight. She thinks she gets that from her father.

She shakes her head free from the reminder that the very thing she hated about him is the very quality that lives in her now, and she gives Rachel her full attention.

"Okay, thank you," she lightly squeezes Quinn's hand.

"I just…I just want to start by saying that these last few months have been positively amazing. Like actually. You've shown me so much of the city that I didn't even know existed and getting to know you," her voice softens, "has been like finding something that I didn't even know I was looking for."

Quinn shakes her head, refusing to get caught up in the sweet, obviously sincere words, but she would bet every dime she has that there is a 'but' coming.

"But I feel like if I want this relationship to continue, there needs to be complete honesty and…."

Quinn's heart is beating uncontrollably.

 _She knows. She fucking knows._

She wants to cry but what right does she have to be upset? So she just waits for Rachel to finish her thought.

"I haven't been completely honest with you."

Quinn whips her head so fast towards Rachel that it hurts, but she ignores the pain entirely.

"What are you talking about?"

Rachel sighs and stops walking. She steps into Quinn's personal space placing both hands on her waist, but Quinn is too frozen to move.

"Listen, I fucking hate liars. Honestly, but I just didn't know how to tell you. This was the best summer I've ever had and I've never felt like this about anyone and I was just so afraid that if I told you, you'd be upset or not into it anymore."

"Upset about _what_ Rachel?" She asks quickly, desperate to know what Rachel could possibly be keeping from her.

To her knowledge, Rachel has always told her everything she's ever asked to know.

"I-I'm not 22 Quinn. I'm not even in my 20's. That's why when we go out, I don't order drinks. I would…if I could."

Quinn has no idea what she's supposed to say to that. On the one hand, she wants to be pissed. Rachel lied about her age. For all she knows, she could be dating an underage teen. But on the other hand, she's been harboring a much more sinister secret, so she literally has no room to be upset, which only pisses her off more.

"How old are you then? Are you underage?" Quinn asks cautiously, trying to remember the age of consent in the state of New York.

"No no, I'm definitely old enough to vote…but that's about it. I'm 20."

She wants to believe Rachel but there's no way that can be right. Because Quinn has heard her speak of her days at NYADA, in _past_ tense. She has heard stories of professors and friends, all as if it was but a distant memory. Rachel has a job and an apartment, albeit a shitty one so that's why she always prefers to just stay at Quinn's.

But now Quinn wonders if any of that is even true.

"Did you…graduate college early? Did you even go to NYADA?"

Rachel looks off in the distance, too scared to look Quinn in the eye.

"Yes I went…well, I go there. Now. I'll be a junior in the fall."

"Why would you lie about that Rachel?"

She doesn't mean to use her whole name, knowing how it makes Rachel feel like she's being scolded, but she isn't exactly in the mood for terms of endearment at this point either.

"Honestly? I wanted you to like me. You were so smooth and sophisticated and the moment you told me you were almost 24, I just about died. I thought for sure when you found out how young I was, you wouldn't be interested. And I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just convinced myself that I wasn't lying to you. You asked if I drank and I don't. You asked how I enjoyed my college years and truthfully, I loved them. I just happen to still be living them." Rachel sighs and her hands make their way to Quinn's hair, brushing it back in a way that always sooths Quinn.

She sighs. Rachel is embarrassed. She can hear it in her voice. And again, she has no right to judge. Not that she wants to anyway. She completely gets it. Because she was in the same boat when they met. She wanted things to work so she had conveniently kept some things to herself and though it makes her a liar, both of them actually, their intentions were good.

She sighs again and opens her mouth to tell Rachel that it's fine, but she's cut off by the feeling of Rachel's lips on her own. They're not moving, not really, just pressed tightly together.

Rachel keeps their mouths pressed together for at least a minute before she pulls away just enough to mumble, "I don't want this to be over Quinn. Please don't let this be over. I love you."

Quinn's heart stops at the sound of those words.

 _She loves me._

"And I know that's a shitty thing to say in a moment like this, I know that it's not right for me to lie this whole time and then drop the 'L' word on you, but it's true and I'm not above fighting below the belt."

Quinn laughs to herself. No, Rachel certainly isn't afraid to fight dirty.

"It's okay Rach," she breathes out heavily.

Rachel's face lights up for a moment before she frowns again. "Wait…is it actually okay or are you one of those people that plots a frightening revenge even after saying it's 'okay'?"

Quinn wraps her arms around her waist, bringing her closer and nuzzling her head into Rachel's shoulder.

"No, I mean it, it's okay. Your age doesn't change anything. You're still you…" She takes a deep breath, inhaling Rachel's scent and instantly her nerves melt away.

"Still the girl I fell in love with," she whispers quietly.

Rachel's breath hitches and even through her clothing, Quinn can feel her heart beating rapidly. She wonders if Rachel can feel hers. She wonders if their heartbeats match.

Rachel stands absolutely silent for a few minutes and Quinn wonders if she should have said it back after all.

 _I know it's been awhile since I've been in a normal relationship but still…I was supposed to say it back right?_

She second guesses herself over and over again before Rachel finally speaks.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray…swear to me that you're being 100% serious! Promise me this isn't all some cruel joke?" Rachel asks seriously and it prompts Quinn to pull back so that she can look her in the eyes.

"Rachel Barbra Berry," she gently touches Rachel's cheek, rubbing her thumb along the smooth skin, "I am in love with you. And call me crazy, but I have been since that very first night."

Rachel smiles widely, her eyes glistening with tears. "Since the night I broke your bones?"

Quinn laughs, "Broke my wrist and stole my heart."

Rachel falls into Quinn and they stand there for a minute, just living in this moment.

Quinn can't believe it. Rachel loves her. Rachel is _in_ love with her. And she is in love with Rachel.

And instantly, the future she pictured from the very first night re-enters her mind, only this time it's a little clearer. She pictures Rachel walking down the aisle towards her. She pictures them whispering their 'I Do's' and feeding each other cake. She sees kids down the road, maybe 2 or 3 each one studious like her and ambitious like Rachel.

And as the image unfolds further, a song comes to mind.

She pulls Rachel in tighter for a hug and sings softly into her ear.

"The day we met, frozen I held my breath. Right from the start, I knew that I'd found a home for my heart… beats fast. Colors and promises. How to be brave, how can I love when I'm afraid to fall? Watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow. One step closer….."

Rachel pulls away slightly and places her hands on Quinn's shoulders and Quinn instinctively knows what to do. She places her hands on Rachel's hips and they sway softly as they sing the chorus together, harmonizing effortlessly.

"I have died every day waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more. And all along, I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more."

Their voices fade away into the warm night air, but they continue to sway for a few more minutes until Rachel leans forward and kisses Quinn with more power and more passion than she's ever experienced in her life.

Quinn kisses back, equally enthralled by the taste of her lips until she cannot bear the lack of oxygen any longer.

"We should head out. Head home. It's getting late."

Rachel smiles slyly at her, grabbing her hand and finishing the roundabout the leads back to the entrance.

"Yes, let's get you home and straight to bed. I know it's way past your bedtime, grandma."

The words sound casual but the tone suggests that there is some sort of underlying meaning behind the statement. But Quinn is too distracted by another thought that crosses her mind to ask.

"Is your apartment as shitty as you claim? Or do you have like a roommate or something? Is that why I can never see your place?"

Rachel looks over at her with a face splitting grin.

"If I had my own place...yeah, it'd probably be a mess."

"Oh come on Rachel! Jesus! Where do you live then?"

Rachel laughs heartily and starts skipping along the path, as per usual. Quinn, who never skips along, just picks up her pace so that she and Rachel can continue holding hands.

"Oh my god, Rachel, are you homeless?"

"No! Of course not babe!"

Quinn is not soothed by that.

"So where _do_ you live then?" She prods.

Rachel lets go of her hand and skips even further ahead, which means Quinn really isn't going to like this answer.

"I live with you, silly goose."

"Rachel _fucking_ Berry," Quinn mumbles as she exits the park, as Rachel carries on ahead, not even looking back to make sure Quinn's behind her.

And that's how they walk the entire way home.

Rachel at least 10 feet ahead, making conversation with anyone who will indulge her in order to avoid Quinn's wrath.

Quinn seething from 10 feet away, just keeping a mental tally of all the things she's going to yell about when they get home.

* * *

"Oh come on baby, don't be a sour puss about it."

Quinn rolls her eyes. Despite her long list of things to yell about, upon entering the house, she went straight into her study without speaking to Rachel and slammed the door.

Rachel, having little respect for the quiet area comes barging in right after, leaning against the wall as Quinn strategically avoids making eye contact.

"I'm not _homeless_ Quinn. That's such a harsh word. I'm just _dormless_ for the time being. This happens every summer, I have to move out of the dorms at NYADA. Last summer, I spent most of my time at home with my dads, but this summer I had a job so they understood me staying here. And thank goodness I did." Rachel mumbles the last part and it weakens Quinn's resolve only slightly.

"Yes because if you hadn't met me, Lord only knows where you'd be laying your head at night," Quinn huffs.

Her resolve has been weakened, but her tone is still cutting and harsh.

But Rachel just laughs. Rachel always just laughs. "Well, actually I know exactly where I'd be sleeping. 4326 Crest St. in upper Manhattan."

Quinn can't help it. Her eyebrows shoot upwards.

"That's right Quinn. I know other rich people besides just you." Quinn lets out an involuntary laugh at that as Rachel walks further into the room and sits atop Quinn's desk, even though she has told her not to on so many occasions.

"I was staying with my roommate, Hailey, at her house. Her parents are never even there, they're art curators or something. So that's where I was spending my nights before I met you. And once you came along…my first choice was always being here with you. And when you didn't kick me out, I figured…" Rachel shrugs without finishing the sentence.

Quinn sighs. It sounds perfectly logical. Rachel had a place to stay and in fact, on many occasions had stayed there when the quality time together got to be too much. Rachel had actually been great about respecting Quinn's space, giving her just enough alone time as well as cleaning up after herself while over. So really, what was there to be upset about anymore?

Ah…yes.

"So why lie about having your own place then?"

Rachel slides off of the desk and into her lap and Quinn instinctively pulls her closer. She wraps her arms around Quinn's neck, playing with her hair gently.

"I thought if you envisioned me going home to a ratty, roach-infested apartment, you'd do the gentlemanly thing and just ask me to stay here. Which you did because you are always so good to me."

Rachel leans down and places a barrage of kisses all across her face, despite Quinn's pleas to stop.

"Raaachel."

"Look Q, if space is what you want or need just say so. I don't mind. The goal wasn't for me to low key move in with you, so don't freak out." She taps Quinn on the nose quickly. "Now, if you're done whining, I believe that means that we have just successfully completed our first fight. Which means, if my calculations are correct, we are both entitled to some make-up sex."

Rachel leans forward and kisses her again, this time slipping her tongue into her mouth hungrily. She runs her hands up Quinn's chest and squeezes her tits firmly, before Quinn pulls away as far as she can stuck in her desk chair.

"Rach, stop, I'm not really in the mood."

Rachel sighs and lays her forehead on Quinn's. They sit like that for a moment and Quinn's not sure what to make of it until Rachel whispers.

"I want to convince myself that you're still mad. I want to tell myself that it's not me or anything…but it's getting harder and harder to do."

Quinn can feel the mood shift and she has a feeling that they're back to having an adult conversation.

But instead, Rachel only pulls away abruptly and leaves the room without saying another word.

Quinn finds it all weird, but she isn't trying to have whatever conversation was coming her way anyway, so she opens her laptop and checks her emails. A few minutes pass and Quinn is so entirely enveloped in a response back to Puck that she doesn't even notice Rachel re-enter the room.

"Quinn, we need to talk."

"What now?" Quinn asks, distracted and mildly annoyed. But she immediately knows it was the wrong choice of words because the room becomes eerily silent.

One thing she's learned about Rachel in these past few months is that she's a woman in every sense of the word. The wrong tone, the wrong volume, the wrong look will set her off easily. There is no such thing as talking to her any kind of way because Rachel Berry demands respect at all times.

"Excuse me?" Rachel's voice is dangerously low. "I'm sorry, is there something more important that you need to be doing right now? Because I can go, Quinn."

She immediately saves her email as a draft and closes her laptop, giving Rachel her full attention.

"No babe, of course not. Sorry, I just got distracted. I didn't mean to be rude," she placates. She stands from her desk and comes around to stand in front of Rachel who is just standing in the middle of the room, arms folded with her phone in her hand.

"What did you want to talk about?"

Rachel just stares silently for at least a whole minute, probably just to scare the shit out of Quinn.

 _She should consider herself successful._

When she finally does speak, its after uncrossing her arms and messing around on her phone.

"June 8th, I showered here for the very first time and came out in just a towel. You covered your eyes and bumped into a bookshelf and stubbed your toe _twice_ as you ran to your office. June 17th, I complained about my neck hurting and asked you to massage it, which you did. But when I joked about a full body massage, you freaked out and said your phone was ringing. It was 2am on a random Wednesday and your phone was closer to me than it was to you. Definitely didn't hear a ring. July 4th, we were watching the fireworks on the beach, the atmosphere was super romantic. I crawled on top of you, trying to initiate _something_ and you nearly kick me in the vagina. July 13th, I suggest we shower together and try to take your shirt off, you push me away, not even bothering to give me an excuse. July 20th-"

"Okay, I get it Rachel. You want to have sex," Quinn cuts off tired of hearing about all the ways that she's been an awful girlfriend.

She remembers each of these occasions. She knows that Rachel could go on for several more weeks, as this has become a more regular occurrence. Rachel doing something, anything, to get her attention sexually and Quinn making any and every excuse not to be intimate with her.

"Oh stop, Quinn," she spits out. "Don't make me sound like some sort of sex-crazed slut. This isn't about me wanting sex, this is about why you _don't."_

Quinn opens her mouth to speak but Rachel just flits her hand through the air dismissing whatever she has to say.

"And I swear to God if you tell me one more time how you like to take things slow and get to know someone before jumping into sex, I'm going to strangle you."

Quinn goes to speak again, but is cut off once more. "I mean, I really just don't get it. It's not like I'm trying to force you into anything, but I've met all of your criteria Quinn. You know me…better than anyone. I've been patient, right? I've tried not to force the issue? I've tried to give you time, yeah?"

Rachel looks up at her and she looks sadder than Quinn has ever seen her. She wants to say something, but now that Rachel is allowing her a moment to speak, she doesn't know what to say.

Rachel's right. She's been the epitome of patient. She's dropped the sex thing every single time, not asking any follow up questions when Quinn finally emerges from her office hours later. She's taken things so slowly, an outsider might have thought they weren't even moving forward. Rachel has been perfect and understanding. Up until now.

"Rachel…I…" But even now, she still doesn't know what to really say. She knows what she should do which is finally be honest with Rachel about who she is but a part of her is still looking for a way out of it.

"Is it me?" Rachel says looking her directly in the eyes and never before has she looked this vulnerable.

Rachel is confident and self-assured at all times. Until now.

"Just tell me Quinn. I'm a big girl, I can handle it. Is it just _me_ you don't want to have sex with? Are you not attracted to me or something? Because I…" She runs her fingers through her hair as she begins to pace the room in front of her. "Because I feel like every time I put my hands on you, you freak out. When I ask you to touch me in any way that's less than friendly, you seize up and run into this fucking room. And I just want to know why. I _need_ to know…Do I disgust you or something?"

There is such desperation in Rachel's voice that she can't bring herself to lie. At least not about this. She owes it to Rachel to be honest, in any way she can.

"Baby, listen…" she reaches out for Rachel trying to grab hold of her arms to stop her from pacing, but Rachel immediately pulls away.

"No, I don't want you to pity touch me out of obligation Quinn. I just want an answer. Why don't you want to have sex Quinn?"

"Because I have no desire to have sex with you, Rachel!" There it is. Finally. The truth. Or at least, a portion of it.

Rachel stops pacing. Her face drops. Her eyes water.

"Shiiit, that didn't come out right," Quinn sighs and tries to recollect her thoughts to reword them better. She closes her eyes for a moment to take a breather, but when she opens them, Rachel is gone.

She quickly races out of the room to find her headed towards the door with her purse in hand.

"Rachel wait. Wait!" She quickly follows her out the door and towards the elevator.

"Rachel listen, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. It's not you!"

Rachel scoffs, "'I have no desire to have sex with you, Rachel' certainly sounds like a me thing, Quinn."

She presses the elevator button once…twice…three times before giving up and heading towards the stairwell with Quinn hot on her heels.

"No Rachel, seriously. I said that because I…" Rachel's not slowing her steps.

 _She's going to leave you, Quinn. You need to say something. You need to explain yourself._

"I don't have the desire to have sex with anyone. I'm…I'm asexual Rachel," she feels like she whispers it but when Rachel stops walking and turns back to her, she knows she's been heard.

Rachel's quiet for a moment, making a million and one faces that betray all of her emotions.

Confusion. Hurt. Disbelief. Anger. Distrust.

"What the hell then Quinn? What the hell have we been doing all this time if you're not even attracted to me?!" She comes up the stairs to stand on the landing so she and Quinn are as close as they can be to eye level. "First you're saying you love me now all of a sudden, you're asexual?"

It's obvious Rachel doesn't know whether to be hurt or angry, so both feelings are flowing out of her. Her volume displays her anger, but her tone is so incredibly hurt that it almost makes Quinn want to cry.

"Rachel, listen, it's not that I'm not _attracted_ to you, I just don't feel the need to act on that attraction sexually. But everything I told you was all true. I _do_ love you…so much."

"But not the way you loved Layla," Rachel whispers back.

Of course Rachel would compare herself to Layla.

But can she even be upset considering that she does it all the time? In her head and sometimes even aloud. Rachel will do something so crazy and so spontaneous that she'll let it slip. Rachel will ask about her past with Layla and Quinn always answers honestly. They had even traded first time stories a few weeks into the relationship. So she knows that Quinn isn't a virgin and she almost wishes she had had the forethought to lie and say she was.

But she didn't. Because she didn't anticipate this, too worried about the other, larger skeletons in her closet to think of this seemingly miniscule one.

And because Quinn lets the silence linger without saying anything, Rachel takes that as affirmation and turns abruptly to continue down the stairs.

Yes Quinn loves her…but not the way she loved _her._

"Rachel! Rachel wait!"

Rachel only keeps going and Quinn figures that if Rachel isn't going to stop walking, she still has at least 17 flights of stairs to talk while she has her as a captive audience.

"Rachel, please just listen to me. You have to know that I love you."

"How Quinn?! How can you love me if you're asexual? That's what I don't get! How can we have any sort of normal relationship if you don't even want to touch me?"

"What?! Of course I want to touch you. It's…it's more complicated than that, Rach," Between the thinking of what to say, and chasing after Rachel, and the nervousness in her heart that Rachel is in the process of saying goodbye forever, she is running out of breath.

She wishes Rachel would just stop for a minute and listen, but she is fully committed to this storm out and she only speeds up her pace.

"Don't even call me that right now. God…I can't even look at you. Like, when were you going to tell me Quinn?! This seems like something you should definitely mention right off the bat! The fact that you _never_ intend to have sex with me!"

Quinn slows her pace, struck by her unknowingly harsh words. "Are you…are you saying that if I had told you right away… you would have just said 'fuck it' and not even given this a chance?"

Rachel must hear the hurt in her voice because she stops walking and takes the opportunity to move her hair from her face and wipe the sheen of sweat from her brow.

"Look Quinn," she takes a deep breath, "I'm not going to lie. This changes everything. I can't say what I would have done, but at least I would've been aware of what I was getting into."

Quinn closes her eyes and takes a seat on a step. Completely resigned to a fate she knows she deserves.

"Rachel, I know I should've told you, but-"

"No Quinn, there's nothing more to it. There is no 'but'. You should've told me. Right from the start. You had plenty of opportunities, but instead you fed me bullshit about not being ready or literally just ran away from the situation. You _lied_ to me."

"So did you!" She shouts, forgetting for a moment that she is solely in the wrong here, not Rachel.

"Those aren't even remotely in the same league!" Rachel shouts, but Quinn definitely already knows that.

"Age and address don't make or break a relationship Quinn! I could see if I was living at a shelter or underage, but I'm not! You kept a secret that changes everything!"

Quinn sighs. Rachel's right. No matter how this ends, Rachel will always be right.

She's a liar. She should've told her. But she was so afraid to lose her that she felt the need to lie which seems like it will still lead to the same results.

 _The path of the greatest resistance._

Quinn shakes her head at herself, feeling foolish for not seeing this coming eventually.

They stand in the hot, humid stairwell for a few more minutes before Rachel begins walking down again. Quinn stands but doesn't move to follow.

"Rachel…" She begs brokenly and Rachel must have some love left in her because she stops again.

"I just…need time, Quinn. This is a lot to take in. That my girlfriend has no interest in sex with me. Ever." Rachel continues walking again.

"Look…I'll call you Quinn. After I've had time to sort this through."

"You promise?" She knows it's fighting below the belt. She knows Rachel is a firm believer in keeping promises. But she is beyond desperate and not above this sort of begging.

It takes quite a long time to answer and Rachel has to speak much louder just to be heard due to the distance between them.

"I promise. And if I don't call…you know where I live," Rachel says just before she picks up her pace again and speeds down the rest of the stairs.

Quinn only watches her go, repeating in her head, _4326 Crest St._ _4326 Crest St. 4326 Crest St._

When she hears the door to the stairway slam shut, nearly 50 feet away, she turns to head back up to her own apartment, racking her brain for a way to tell her girlfriend that she does porn because she's an asexual and she's asexual because she does porn.

 _Easier said than done._

 **######**

 **If any of you are reading my other fic, you have already heard my sorry excuse for not updating. I had finals, then work, then a much needed vacation. But I am back, feeling very rested and eager to get back to writing. While I was gone though, thank you all for the favorites, follows, and reviews! And if you're reading this, I'd like to say thanks for not giving up on me! :D I hope you enjoyed the chapter, but even if you didn't, let me know! I know the asexuality was sort of a bombshell, but I encourage you all to read up on it. It will give you a better understanding of the next chapter. is a great resource! Until next time! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

_Rachel,_

 _I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. About all of this. About everything before and about everything I'm about to say now. I first want you to know that I love you. I have fallen in love with you. At first, I was terrified to let you in. I was so afraid of getting close to you because I knew it would end badly. I knew that I had a fair share of issues that made it hard to date but there was just something about you. My heart must have known long before I really comprehended it that you were something special. So I said to hell with it and decided to give you a chance. Give us a chance. And I am so glad that I did. I don't regret it at all, but admittedly, I wish I had gone about all of this a little differently. I should have told you about my being an asexual. You're right. You had a right to know. And I should've trusted you enough to share it with you. But I was scared of losing you. This has all been so good that I just didn't want to let it go. But since we're doing this now, getting everything out in the open, I want to be completely honest with you. Because you deserve that._

 _I'm writing this out on paper (kind of) because I know I'll never have the guts to look you in the eye and say it. I just can't. But like I said, you deserve the truth._

 _Attached at the bottom is a link, BUT before you click it, please finish reading._

 _I want you to know that I haven't done anything like this since we met. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I'm not that girl anymore, but I'm certainly too invested in what we have to do something like this behind your back. I promise you that._

 _But yeah…this is my profession. This is how I make my money. And though I'm not necessarily ashamed of it, I certainly never wanted you to know. I didn't want you to think differently of me or worse worry that what I do for money means anything to me. It doesn't. They don't._

 _Anyway, just…click the link I guess. And…call when you're ready and willing to talk. Because I do want to talk. I may have no right to ask anything of you, but I do want us to at least talk about whether or not there is an 'us' anymore._

 _I love you, Broadway._

 _Q_

Rachel had read and reread and re-reread the email at least a dozen times. She had scrolled down to the link after reading, but after seeing the link, she couldn't bring herself to click it.

profile/xsejs133st

She didn't have to click it. She could assume based on what Quinn had said above that this was not something she was trying to see. And yet, after hours of going back and forth, she clicks it. Because she can't bring herself to belief that Quinn does porn. Not her sweet, seemingly shy Quinn who freaks out when things get even slightly heated between them.

But she needs to know if it's true. If Quinn can actually have sex with random strangers, but not her.

So she clicks the link and a new window opens up on her web browser. Instantly she's met with a Quinn she's never even seen before and it instantly makes her sick to her stomach.

She asks herself, does she really want to see Quinn like this?

 _Or should I say Juicy Lucy,_ which appears to be her screen name.

She swallows the bile rising in her throat and scrolls down, finding a profile blurb.

 **Pornstar Rank: 31 Views: 79 Million Subscribers: 101K+**

 **Height: 5' 5" Weight: 129 Birth Place: Cleveland, OH, USA**

 **Bio: Some girls have a sweet smile. Some girls have a dirty mouth. But so rarely do we find the perfect mix of both. Well, the wait is over. Because the lovely Lucy has a smile to make your heart stop and a mouth that will bring you to your knees. (Well, actually she'll be the one on her knees but you know what we mean!) Hailing from Cleveland, Ohio, she has a body that is sure to please all of the hard cocks and wet pussies out there. Not only is she beautiful, but thanks to years of cheerleading, this girl has acrobatic and contortionist abilities that could put a twisted pretzel to shame. With moves like this, she can fuck in any position you'd like. All you have to do is ask. Although, sometimes, Lucy has a bad side. As well as she gives, she also knows how to take what she wants. And when she screams "faster, harder", you** ** _will_** **do as she says. Because who could resist a girl like this? Beautiful brown hair, green eyes, legs that go on for days, and an ass that will make you quit your job just so you can stay home and watch her do the splits on a dick all damn day. But don't be fooled, the only thing better than her head is her brain (see what we did there?). Graduating Magna Cum Laude from her university, Lucy is an amateur star that is smart enough to know that avoiding contractual obligations is the way to go. Though believe us, she's been asked. Brazzers, Naughty America, Reality Kings, and the list goes on. But if you want a chance to get next to Juicy Lucy, we first suggest you hit the gym and maybe do some advanced yoga so you can keep up with her. Then perhaps try taking her out to coffee. It's been said she doesn't fuck who she doesn't know. But if you can match her IQ, then you might just be a good fit for her. In more ways than one.**

Rachel is torn between vomiting all over the couch and crying herself to death.

If it were anyone else, she wouldn't be judging. She wouldn't care. She would tell herself that it was none of her business what someone chooses as their profession. She would remind herself that she didn't know the circumstances behind someone doing something like this and she shouldn't say anything negative about it.

But this wasn't just a random person, or even just a friend. This was her girlfriend.

Her _girlfriend_ had just revealed to her that she had been making money by doing porn.

Rachel sighs deeply and lays back along the length of the couch with the computer in her lap.

Her emotions immediately take over and she wants so desperately to tell Quinn it's over. That this isn't something she can handle. Just as she was figuring out what to do about Quinn's supposed asexuality, she received this email. Or rather this bombshell. Now she wasn't sure what to believe.

How was it possible that Quinn could have sex with someone _except_ the very someone she was in a relationship with? How was it possible that in three months of discussing anything and everything, she still felt like she didn't know Quinn at all?

That was probably the most frustrating part. That, aside from her age and still being in college, she had been so completely honest. She had shared everything with Quinn simply because Quinn had asked. Rachel wanted to open up to her. For the first time since being with Finn, she felt like she could trust someone with all of her dreams, secrets and insecurities. She thought she could trust Quinn, but apparently that wasn't true because Quinn had lied about so much. Omitted so much. Even the little things.

I mean, what was all of this about Quinn being from Cleveland and having brown hair and green eyes?

How many times had she brought up home in Lima, Ohio? How many times had she made mention of something in Columbus or Cleveland even and Quinn just smiled as if she had no idea what Rachel was talking about? When all of this time, it turns out, Quinn had been born there? Quinn had lived 2 hours away from her and never once thought to mention it.

Rachel scoffs, the only way to keep the tears at bay. She refuses to cry over someone who didn't even have the decency to tell her where she lived, as if it would've mattered to Rachel or made any difference.

She is certainly hurt now but more angry than anything else as she scrolls down Quinn's page. She sees several photos of a half-naked woman that at first glance looks nothing like her girlfriend.

Her Quinn has the most beautiful blond hair that frames her face perfectly. She loves running her fingers through it and can't even imagine her with dark locks. But here she is, smiling seductively for the camera with thick brown hair, tousled perfectly.

The worst part is that there have been so many days that she and Quinn had opted to just stay in bed all day. Quinn called them Lazy Days. They would just lay around, cuddling and talking and watching movies and sometimes just staring into each other's eyes, sharing soft and silent kisses. Those were her favorite days. Though now she's forced to question their authenticity because she's not even sure if Quinn's eyes are really hazel at all. She stares at this woman on the screen, Lucy, and into her dark green eyes.

 _The hazel are probably just colored contacts so no one notices her in public._

Rachel sighs again. Though she said she wouldn't, she clicks a video.

 _"_ _Juicy Lucy and hot boyfriend fuck while parents away"_

The camera quality is good enough to enjoy the video while still being obviously homemade. She watches Quinn lead a young blond boy to the bed but as she leans in to kiss him, Rachel is forced to pause the video. She can't bear to watch this. She thought for a fleeting moment that she would want to see it, to see if it was all real, but she doesn't. The part of her that is in love with Quinn can't stand the thought of her holding hands with someone else, let alone kissing and certainly not actual sex.

She closes her laptop abruptly and tosses it too violently onto the wooden coffee table.

She wants to throw something. Hit something. Break something.

Anything, absolutely _anything,_ to keep from crying.

She doesn't want to waste a single tear on Quinn. She doesn't want to waste another moment even thinking about her. She doesn't want to see her or speak to her because Lord only knows everything out of Quinn's mouth is just a series of lies.

But the part of Rachel that loves Quinn speaks up timidly.

 _You promised you'd call._

She did promise, she thinks.

But sometimes promises just can't be kept.

###

It had been a week. A whole week since she had sent the email and she had yet to hear from Rachel.

So she had done what Rachel had pretty much instructed her to do. She had found 4326 Crest St.

She stands on the sidewalk looking up at the lovely townhouse tucked away in an upper-class suburban neighborhood. She confirms the number of the house before walking up.

She takes a deep breath, then raises her hand to knock, only to have the door open abruptly.

She wasn't ready for this. She thought she'd have some time in between knocking and someone answering. But nothing is going according to plan. Because Rachel is standing in front of her in a pair of booty shorts and a tank top looking more than surprised to see her.

Quinn had a speech prepared but now she doesn't know what to say. Fortunately, Rachel speaks first.

"What are you doing here, Quinn?" She sounds irritated, a tone that has never been directed at her before.

"I…I was hoping we could talk, Rachel. You said you'd call, but…"

"I was on my way out actually. Sorry." But she doesn't sound sorry at all.

Quinn sighs, "Okay, well, where are you headed? Maybe we could walk and talk?"

Rachel puts on her shades and steps out of the door. "Fine. But I have nothing to say."

Rachel is making this so much harder than she ever expected her to. But Quinn will take whatever she can get right now.

"Okay, then I'll talk."

Rachel walks down the few steps to the sidewalk, not bothering to respond and Quinn quickly follows.

They walk in silence for a few minutes before Quinn finally manages to say something.

"Or rather…I'll sing and you can just listen."

That actually surprises Rachel, but she says nothing. Though she's definitely curious as to what Quinn's song choice will be.

 _Probably Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word,_ Rachel thinks, rolling her eyes.

After a few moments, she hears the low sultry sound of Quinn's voice, quiet but still clear enough to be heard over the bustle of neighborhood.

 _"_ You're hearing rumors about me and you can't stomach the thought of someone touching my body when you're so close to my heart."

Immediately Rachel's heart stills for a moment at just how true the opening words are. That's been the one of the hardest parts about it all, knowing that while she has Quinn's heart, someone else, _everyone else_ in fact, has been touching her, kissing her, making love to her in ways she can literally only fantasize about.

"I won't deny what they're saying because most of it is true, but it was all before I fell for you."

That's what Quinn had said. She had written in her email that she hadn't done anything like this since they met and at first she didn't believe her. How could she when everything from Quinn just seemed like one epic lie? But when she allowed herself to think about it, Quinn had to be telling the truth. The most recently updated video she could find was from March, months before they had even met and really she and Quinn had spent almost every day together. And when they weren't together physically, Quinn had still called and texted and even FaceTimed. As much as she didn't want to, she believed that Quinn hadn't been doing porn since they had met. Realistically, there was just no time. Which meant this was something from Quinn's past, not her present.

"So please babe. So please don't judge me. And I won't judge you. Cuz it could get ugly before it gets beautiful. Please don't judge me and I won't judge you. And if you love me then let it be beautiful."

So many times throughout the week she had asked herself if this was something they could work through. Rachel hadn't worked out an exact answer even still. But she had reasoned that she couldn't be upset about things that happened before she and Quinn met. Sure, the porn thing was unsettling and really threw things off, but she couldn't hold that against Quinn. It wouldn't be fair.

For her, so much of her hurt and anger now stemmed from the fact that that her girlfriend, who identified as an asexual was, in fact, still having sex. Just not with her. That wasn't something she knew how to get over and be okay with, especially if this was a profession Quinn planned to continue.

She walks faster, desperate to get to her destination. She worries that the longer she listens to Quinn pour her heart out with this song, the more likely she is to give in. And she really _really_ doesn't want to do that.

She's been down this road before with Finn. Finn had cheated on her and lied about it. She had confronted him and he had fed her so many excuses for his misbehavior. He had sung to her in glee and brought her flowers every day until she gave him another chance. And all that second chance had led to was more heartbreak. And once she had gotten over him, years later, she promised herself she wouldn't ignore the signs and red flags anymore. When something felt wrong, she would leave.

And that's what she was trying to do now.

The only problem though is that though she knows Quinn was wrong for keeping such a monumental secret, nothing in her life has yet to feel so right. She had never loved like this before, but she was sure that this was the sort of love that romantic movies were made of. This was the sort of love that they wrote songs and poems about. This was the sort of love that some people spend their whole lives looking for and never do. Could she really give that up?

She turns her head subtly to see Quinn walking beside her, singing softly, but just loud enough for Rachel to hear. She is looking down at the ground just watching her feet and Rachel feels such a need to look into her eyes. To know if everything she's saying is honest and sincere and from the heart.

"Everything I say right now is going to be used in another fight. And I've been through this so many times. Can we change the subject? You're gonna start asking me questions like, 'Was she attractive?' 'Was she an actress?' Baby the fact is, you're hearing rumors about me and saw some pictures online, saying they've got you so angry making you wish you were blind."

She had at one point tried to imagine things from Quinn's perspective. Rachel tried to imagine doing porn then attempting to date. She couldn't imagine having to tell people and deal with their reactions. She couldn't imagine the questions and the inevitable jealousy that would flare up. Again, though she hated to admit it, she could understand on some level why Quinn felt the need to keep this part of herself hidden.

But it seemed for every step forward in her mind, the rational part of her forced her to take two steps back.

 _You need to stop doing this, Rachel. Stop making excuses for her. You've had someone sing apologies to you before and we all know how that ended. So tell her it's over and be done with it._

Rachel sighs, "Quinn, this is all good and well, but I can't continue to pursue a relationship with you."

It takes everything in Rachel to say it, but Quinn just shakes her head, ignoring her and continuing to sing.

"Before we start talking crazy, saying some things we'll regret, can we just slow it down and press reset? Just let the past just be the past. And focus on things that are gonna make us laugh. Take me as I am and not who I was. I promise I'll be the one that you can trust."

That makes Rachel stop in her tracks. She has no idea what song this is, but the accuracy of the lyrics is almost annoying.

She wants to end things before Quinn has the chance to hurt her again but that doesn't sound at all like what Quinn's trying to do. She isn't trying to weasel her way back in with excuses and more lies. She wants to talk. She wants to put the past behind them and start fresh.

 _Start fresh._

Those words ignite a memory of their first night together that replays vividly in her head.

When Quinn had explained her need to start over at a new school with a new look and Rachel had told her that she understood that.

 _"_ _I get it. Wanting to start over and start fresh in a place where no one can judge you for who you used to be."_

Rachel had been the one to say that to Quinn. Yet here she was, holding the past against her. Judging Quinn for who she apparently used to be and that hardly seemed fair.

She had been prepared to talk to Quinn at some point about the asexuality after she had gotten her thoughts together, but receiving Quinn's email had changed everything. Since then, all of her focus had been on the porn. On the lies. On the sex that Quinn was having but with _other_ people. And she couldn't stand the thought of any of it, so she just chose to block it out. She had chosen to ignore everything to do with Quinn in the hopes that eventually Quinn would get the hint and just disappear.

But instead here was Quinn serenading her softly as they walked down the street, not giving up. Not just _disappearing._

Had this been a few years ago, Finn would've come to her locker with a bouquet of flowers and a sad excuse for an apology and she would've forgiven him. And if she hadn't done so immediately upon seeing him, he would storm off, calling her unappreciative and somehow making her the bad guy. And by the end of the day, she would be frantically rushing to find him so that _she_ could apologize.

And though she wasn't that person anymore, by any means, she had to acknowledge that Quinn was trying a hell of a lot harder than Finn ever did and that had to count for something. She had forgiven him without any reservations, so the least she could do for Quinn was hear her out. She wanted this to work. There was no doubt in her mind about that. She just wasn't sure how it could.

"Quinn?"

Quinn turns toward her abruptly, which makes her wonder if she interrupted her mid song. She's not exactly sure if or when the song ended or how long she's been in her head thinking. But Quinn doesn't appear to mind as she stares questioningly, eyebrows quirked in a way that makes Rachel's heart smile though her face is still expressionless.

"Now isn't a good time for this."

Quinn immediately looks as though someone has set fire to her puppy and so Rachel rushes to continue.

"But I…I do want to talk. At the very least just to clear the air so there's no bad blood between us."

If possible, Quinn deflates even more. Rachel doesn't mean to be so harsh, but she also doesn't want to get Quinn's hopes up. Hell, she doesn't want to get her own hopes up.

She is willing to talk, willing to see if they can make something work. But if they can't, she doesn't want Quinn to hate her.

"Can I call you later in the week?" she says turning entirely towards her. Her voice is soft and genuine and she hopes Quinn hears the sincerity.

Quinn looks hesitant, probably because Rachel had promised to call nearly two weeks ago and never did, but she is no position to make demands, so she simply nods.

"Of course. Anytime. I'll be at home."

Rachel doesn't respond. But she does lean in for a hug that Quinn gladly accepts. It's been a week since she's touched Quinn and her heart feels so full from just their brief contact.

Her arms tighten around Quinn's neck and she inhales quickly before she pulls away, blushing furiously.

"Sorry," she mumbles.

"It's okay." Quinn speaks as if she is in awe. Maybe Quinn's heart has missed her just as much.

"Right. So I've gotta go, but I'll call."

Before Quinn can say anything else, Rachel gives her a small, parting wave before turning to walk faster towards the café, not even looking back. She sees him leaned against the wall outside and as she opens her mouth to greet him, he reaches out to hug her fiercely, lifting her entirely off the ground as she slaps his large arms, laughing.

Quinn has no idea who this guy is and maybe she has no right to see red, but her blood boils all the way home.

She doesn't anticipate Rachel's call.

She knows it won't come.

###

She doesn't know what she's doing here. This was such a horribly stupid idea.

She is way too emotional to be doing this today.

She was angry when she left her house 45 minutes ago. She was nearly in tears in the cab on the way over. She was in relatively good spirits for the entire elevator ride. But now…now she's standing in front of Quinn's door, knocking timidly, almost hoping she doesn't answer.

She knocks again and it seems like she's going to get her wish when she suddenly hears her. It's at a distance, but she has fallen asleep to the sound of Quinn's voice more nights than she can count and she would recognize it anywhere. She turns to find Quinn coming from someone else's apartment.

She knows this woman. She's Quinn's neighbor that they've seen on a few occasions while coming or going. Rachel has never given her much thought before. When she and Quin were together, Quinn was cordial but never seemed to pay her much attention so neither did Rachel. But now she has a million questions for the mysterious neighbor that is all of a sudden close enough to Quinn to be inviting her over.

"Quinn shut up. You're never a bother. I love having you over. Thanks for finally taking me up on the offer."

"No thank you Caroline. I just…needed someone to talk to."

"Anytime, hot stuff," Rachel sees Caroline smirk at Quinn and the urge to beat the shit out of her becomes overwhelming.

"Woah, watch it. Don't want Danny to hear you talking like that."

They both share a laugh and Caroline bids her goodnight before closing the door.

Quinn then turns and is immediately met with Rachel's hard gaze.

"Rach," She's obviously surprised to see her. It had been just over a whole week since she had gone over to Rachel's house hoping to talk and if she's being honest, she had given up hoping that Rachel would call. So certainly the last thing she expected was this. Rachel. Here. And…dare she say looking jealous?

"What was that all about?" Fortunately, Rachel has managed to contain the jealousy in her tone.

Quinn's eyebrows furrow as she makes her way to her door, and by default, towards Rachel.

"Caroline's been inviting me over for months but I never had time. I just went over to talk."

She doesn't trust herself not to say something snide and bitchy about how the moment she is gone, Quinn suddenly finds herself at the neighbor's house, so she leaves it at "Hmm," while Quinn fumbles with the lock on the door.

She opens it quickly and pushes it open, gesturing to Rachel to enter first, but she only shakes her head.

"I came over to talk but..I was hoping we could do it in a more neutral location. Have you eaten yet?"

Quinn doesn't ask any questions about why they need a neutral location, she merely closes the door again and stands there, unmoving.

"Uh, yeah, I have but..what about dessert? There's a café down the street…great cheesecake," she says lamely.

Rachel thinks about that for a moment. Though it's weird to have a conversation like the one they're about to have over cheesecake, it actually sounds really good.

"Sure," Rachel laughs out nervously. "Lead the way."

They spend the remainder of the walk in silence and when they arrive at the seat yourself café, Quinn guides them to a table.

After the waiter takes their order, they are left in silence with nothing but each other and both seem lost in their own thoughts.

Unsure of what to say and unsure of what Rachel wants to talk about first, she says the first thing that comes to mind. The truth, for once.

"I'm glad you're here." She leans forward, a little closer to Rachel, hesitance laced in every word, "I know…I know you're probably still upset with me and you have every—"

Rachel scoffs and looks away from Quinn. Unable to look her in the hazel eyes that may not even be real. She had thought of a few talking points in the elevator, just something to get conversation flowing. But after seeing Quinn come from some other apartment where some other woman lived, she is much more on edge than when she arrived.

"Upset Quinn? You think? I am furious!" She says it in a normal voice, but Quinn believes her regardless.

"I am so fucking mad at you and the worst part about it is…"

She thought she could do this. She thought for sure she could handle this. She thought she could be rational and reasonable, that's why she had come over. But now Quinn is sitting way too close, smelling so much like herself, staring at her with the same gentle gaze that captivated her heart the very first time they officially met in the frozen foods aisle and in an instant the tears begin to roll down Rachel's cheek as she quickly wipes them away.

"The worst part is that I don't even want to fight with you." She sort of whisper yells it through the ever present tears and Quinn's heart is breaking as she watches her love fall apart. "I fucking hate this. I hate being angry with you. I love you so much that I actually hate being mad at you even though _yeah_ I have every right to be! How could you do this Quinn?! How could you keep this from me? All of it! I need some kind of explanation because it just makes no sense."

The words are angry, but there's something about the tone. It sounds more lost to Quinn than it does upset.

Rachel falls silent and decides that the tears are falling too quickly to wipe them all away. So she lets them run down her cheeks. But Quinn can't stand seeing her cry and almost involuntarily as if her body knows just what to do, she leans forward and reaches out hesitantly to catch them.

The table is small so leaning forward even a little puts her so much closer to Rachel, staring into her brown eyes. She has revealed so much of herself to these eyes. But clearly not enough. And it was time to change that. She had been so afraid to lose her, she still was, but the reality was that her if the tables were turned, if the situation was reversed, she would want to work things out. She would choose to stay as long as Rachel showed an honest effort to open up. To try.

She stares at Rachel, opens her mouth to speak and her heart pours out.

"When I met you, Rachel Berry, I swear I fell instantly in love with you. And every single moment after that just confirmed to me that you were the sort of person I wanted to be with. Spend every day with. For a very long time." Rachel's breath hitches.

Before all of this, she had been thinking about a serious future with Quinn, but they had never voiced anything like that aloud. To know that Quinn was thinking about a future with her too made her heart skip a beat.

"And every time you told me about your home, or childhood, or just anything, I wanted so badly to just come clean and be honest. Believe me. But I thought I would lose you. I was so terrified that I would show you who I am and you wouldn't like what you saw. You would realize this isn't what you want. And that killed me. Being with…being with Layla was so different, Rach. The thought of her leaving me was awful, but you walking away would've crushed me. What I had with her..itt was love, yeah. But it was…tame. It was well-behaved and controllable. It was…" she runs her fingers through her hair, frustrated that she can never find the words for Rachel.

"It was nothing like this," Rachel finishes for her because she understands Quinn. She always has.

Quinn nods, "Not even close."

Rachel holds eye contact with her as long as she can stand it until she's forced to look away. They sit there, just lost in each other with neither saying anything for a long while.

Eventually Quinn sighs. "How do you want to do this? How do you want to have this conversation?"

Rachel bites her lip. "I…I think I have a few questions, if that's okay?"

Quinn nods quickly. Questions are great. Questions facilitate dialogue.

"Of course, ask me anything. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

Rachel nods, slightly annoyed that only when forced is Quinn open to telling the truth.

But she breathes out slowly and contemplates her first question.

"Well…before you sent me the email…I was still working through the first thing. I tried to look up some information about it, but maybe it's best coming from you. How did…how did you realize it? I mean…you slept with Layla. And then…all the…" She trails off not quite ready to get to that yet.

Quinn sighs. This is simple enough territory to navigate through.

"Umm, well, honestly it started before Layla. I remember…in high school, I was dating this guy Andrew. He was such a sweet guy. A total gentlemen. And I know it was a total cliché, but we had sex for the first time at our senior prom. We were both virgins and so it was over pretty quickly." They both share a little laugh at that and it eases some of the tension at the table.

"I never really enjoyed it, but I had heard the other girls on the cheer team talking and they didn't seem to love it either, so I figured it was normal. And uh, we pretty much broke up the summer after graduation. And right after that, in the fall, I met Layla. And for so long, I shied away from sex in general because I was terrified. I was raised in a conservative Christian home so everything with her was new to me. She had been out since middle school and I just felt so inexperienced compared to her. So I made a million excuses. But eventually, she got me to give in and….I don't know how much you want to hear."

Truthfully? None of it. Rachel doesn't want to hear about Quinn having sex with some guy or being intimate with her last girlfriend, but she needs everything out on the table. They both do.

"Just tell me everything. Even the stuff I don't want to hear," Rachel sighs, already angry at what she knows comes next in Quinn's story.

"Oookay. So, yeah we had sex and…at first we were kissing and it was great. She was a great kisser and I saw fireworks and it was perfect. I loved being so close to her, but then…it was like the more we undressed, the less close we felt. It's so hard to describe. I just felt like this moment that was supposed to be so intimate and intense, the moment where she," Quinn gestures quickly with two fingers in an upward motion. She's not shy about sex really, but Rachel is looking so uncomfortable that it makes her uncomfortable.

"Entered you, I got it Quinn." She mumbles.

"Yeah…that. In my head, I pictured it sending chills down my spine. I thought it would feel like the second coming of Christ. And when it didn't…I thought something had to be wrong with me. I mean, here I was with this perfect girl bending over backwards to make me happy and yet, she touched my body and it felt almost like nothing. It was like I could feel her touch, but it didn't mean the same thing to me as it did to her. I just felt awkward and uncomfortable."

Quinn shakes her head.

 _You're making zero sense, Quinn._

Rachel runs her fingers through her hair and exhales. "So you…you don't like to be touched then?"

Quinn shakes her head immediately. "No, no. I love to be touched. I love when _you_ touch me. I just don't think of those touches as sexual. When you touch me, I don't think 'I want this to lead to sex'. This is going to sound so cheesy but…I think about how nice it is to be close to you."

"Oh…" Rachel sighs. As disappointing as it is to hear that her touch doesn't stir a fire in her, she finds Quinn's actual line of thinking sort of romantic. Where was she when Rachel was in high school? She would've killed for someone who had more on their mind than just sex.

Rachel reaches out to take her hands. She's unsure if it's the right move, but Quinn doesn't pull away. Instead, she strokes Rachel's hand gently as she considers what she's about to say next.

"Do you remember the night we went to that 24 hour movie theater?"

Rachel smiles involuntarily, remembering what a nice night that was for the both of them.

"How could I forget? It's was like 2am and it was a children's movie and we were the only ones in the theater!"

"Yeah, and so we lifted the armrests and you laid across like 4 seats with your head in my lap. And we sat there for like 5 hours. We ended up sitting in on two movies and we didn't watch either of them."

"We just talked the entire time," Rachel says, looking up in laughter.

"Yeah, we did. And it was one of the best nights I've ever had in my whole life." She waits until Rachel is making eye contact to speak again.

"That's where I find it, Rach. The sort of intimacy and completeness that other people feel when having sex, I felt it then. And I find it in the small things too. Feeling how tightly you hold me when we sleep. When we read Shakespeare aloud and we each take a few characters and use different accents. Even just getting to wake up with you and make breakfast together."

"Burning breakfast, you mean," Rachel interjects with light laughter.

It was true, they had sometimes gotten so caught up in kissing or even conversation that they had failed to notice the burning eggs and overcooked pancakes.

"Yeah, pretty much. And then heading to the diner for a late breakfast."

"Even though they asked us not to come back after we put on that killer show on our first date."

They both laugh at that memory.

The manager had told them to get out and never return and yet it was one of their favorite places and so they returned often, much to the manager's dismay.

"Exactly. I know that this might sound like a personal thing," Quinn says quietly, reiterating what Rachel had said that day in the stairwell, "But it's not. I can assure you, there is nothing about you I don't love. And that especially includes your body. You are so…" Quinn trails off searching for the words.

When their eyes finally connect, Rachel can see that they are glistening with tears.

Quinn blinks them away, not wanting to feel any more vulnerable than she already does.

"You are the most beautiful thing ever created. And I have always felt so lucky to call you mine. And I…I am so so sorry that I lied and withheld all of this from you. That wasn't fair of me. You have needs and it was selfish of me to just ignore that."

Rachel nods slightly. This was something she had thought about often right after Quinn had told her.

She was no stranger to sex. Though she had promised to remain a virgin until she was 25, she had let her fears that Finn would leave her cloud her judgment. And so she and Finn had sex for the first time during their junior year. And though he had a bit of an early arrival problem, he had been a gentleman about it and she had loved him, so the sex didn't have to be mind blowing. They were sharing something together and that was the part she loved the most. With him, she enjoyed the intimacy of the act.

During college though, she had met a boy. Brody. And he had opened her up to sexual possibilities she hadn't even been aware of. That was the first time she had really craved sex with someone. He had ignited a sexual spark in her, the only problem was that when they weren't having sex, there was no chemistry.

She thought for the longest time that if she could've combined Finn's love with Brody's sexual prowess, she would have had the perfect guy.

And then she had found what she was looking for. In a woman. Which had originally surprised her. Though she had often appreciated the female form, she had never been struck with desires like the ones she experienced when she was around Quinn.

Quinn made her want to do it all. Open up, both emotionally and physically. With Quinn, there had been the spark and the chemistry between them, which effortlessly turned into love. With Quinn, there had also been the constant urge to rip her clothes off. To see her naked. To touch her any and everywhere.

That's why she had been trying relentlessly to sleep with Quinn. Because she had finally found the full package she was searching for. Because she wanted Quinn. Mind, body, and soul.

But those were wants. Not needs. Those were things she _wanted_ to experience with Quinn, but by no means did sex define them. They had gone months without it and it had been the best few months of her life.

"You know, I want to have sex with you Quinn. Who wouldn't? You're so beautiful. But you're also smart and funny and charismatic and charming and everything I've ever needed. And even the things I didn't know I needed. I'm sure it's probably way too soon for this, but hell, everything we do is way too soon."

Quinn smiles widely at that.

"I love you and I see this being-" she opens and closes her mouth a few times before just deciding to go for it. "I could see this being it for me, Quinn. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I don't know if I could go the rest of my life without sex, but…I do know for a fact that I don't want a life without _you._ I don't see that as an option right now. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this will all end in flames and it'll be the stupidest decision I've ever made, but I need to know. I can't just…let you go."

Quinn's heart is filled with so much love for this woman right now and her obvious interest in trying to get past this propels Quinn to make an offer she has never suggested since fully discovering her asexuality.

"I could try. If you wanted or needed it, Rachel. I would try for you."

At first, the suggestion excites Rachel until she takes a moment to think about it.

"What does that mean? Faking it for my sake? Is that what you do for your…job?" Rachel doesn't mean to spit it out so rudely, but she actually hates the thought of Quinn doing the same thing with her that she does with other people for money.

 _Instant regret,_ Quinn thinks. Because just like that, they've switched from the safer topic of their relationship to the porn thing.

"That's…not exactly what I meant but yeah, that's what I do."

"How?" Rachel asks in awe. "How can you be in love with me and not want to share that sort of intimacy but then you do it with a stranger like it's no problem?"

Rachel's voice is much less angry now than it was originally. Now she just sounds grossly confused.

"Because I don't equate sex with intimacy. For me, it's just like acting, Rachel."

"So this is you putting your drama degree to use?"

Quinn can't help but laugh at that even though there is nothing funny about this conversation.

"Yeah, I guess you could look at it like that. And they're not strangers baby, I know all of them on some level."

"Riiight, mandatory coffee date beforehand." Rachel rolls her eyes, actually a little amused by that.

Quinn laughs again, "Ugh, you read the About Me? Isn't it ridiculous?"

"Did you not write it yourself?"

"No way! I don't know who's in charge of that shit. Half of it isn't even true. Obviously."

"So…some of that stuff wasn't true? Like what?"

"Well for one, I'm a natural blond, it sometimes gets a little darker or I'll dye me roots, but it's usually like this. I only change it up for work to make myself a little less recognizable. And obviously I don't have green eyes. I am pretty flexible, which is thanks to the cheerleading. I told you about that." Rachel nods, she has heard horror stories from Quinn about her time as a cheerleader in high school.

She couldn't care less about the hair, she's just happy to know that the lovely hazel hue she has gazed into so many times is Quinn's actual eye color.

Although, she is curious.

"But…you are from Cleveland…" She wants it not to be true, but from the look on Quinn's face, it obviously is.

"I am."

"Then why did you say you were from Connecticut?"

"Because when I found out you were from Ohio, I was afraid that telling you I was from there too would lead to questions about my family. No offense, but you're pretty nosey. If I gave you even an inch of information, you would've dug into it for miles. You would've found a way to find them. And I didn't want that. So I lied. I told you they travelled often in the hopes that you wouldn't ask to meet them."

"What's so awful about meeting your family? Do they not know you're gay?"

Quinn laughs sardonically, "Oh no, Rach. They know. That's how all of this started actually. I took Layla home summer after freshmen year and they basically told me to get out and not come back. They cut me off from everything. I know I told you half of this story, but the cheating and subsequent pregnancy was all because of him. I mean…not technically, but he was the catalyst for all of it. My sophomore year, right after I came out, he had some of his buddies in the financial department revoke my full ride. All of a sudden, they were calling about my outstanding bill for the semester."

Rachel's eyes widen in shock. "What?! How much?" She whispers, only imagining the price of Yale for an out of state student.

"Almost $30,000."

"For the semester?!"

"Yeah…for one semester. And honestly when they told me, I knew that was it. They gave me like two weeks to pay and I had no fucking clue what I was going to do. I was going to lose everything. Yale, Layla, the home I had been staying in all summer. I mean, I was literally packing my bags one day when Layla came home and told me she had managed to beg them to put me on a weekly payment plan. Somehow they agreed to it, but it was still almost $2,000 a week which I still didn't have. My parents had been my only source of income. I had never had a job before so getting one was the hardest thing. Either no one was hiring or they just didn't want to hire me."

Quinn runs her fingers through her hair remembering how stressed she had been about the entire situation. Layla had been her saving grace through it all.

"So is that how you got into…?"

She shakes her head. "No. Actually, I'm more ashamed of this part of the story than I am about the porn, to be honest. So," she exhales deeply, "one day I was in a coffee shop, filling out apps and basically ready to give up, when this guy approaches me. Puck, remember I sort of mentioned him?"

Rachel wants to roll her eyes. Puck has been mentioned a total of twice in the time they've known each other. Once when she had gotten a phone call from him and then now. She had ignored the call, but not before Rachel had seen the name Puck flash across the screen. She had asked who he was and Quinn had simply said he was an old college friend. Only being a month into dating, she didn't want to push figuring Quinn would tell her when she was ready.

 _Little did I know it would be under these circumstances,_ Rachel thinks as their pie finally arrives.

She grabs a fork and digs into her cherry cheesecake as Quinn does the same with her own chocolate cheesecake. They both moan appreciatively at the taste before Quinn's swallows and continues, the whole conversation feeling a little less heavy over dessert.

"So, he literally comes up to me and he tells me that he knows about my money problem. Gossip spreads like wildfire there, especially when someone doesn't have the money to attend. I loved the friends I made there, but they're all elitist assholes sometimes."

She takes a forkful of her own cheesecake and extends it towards Rachel's mouth, knowing how much she loves chocolate, but not enough to get her own full slice. So Quinn always gives her a few bites to satisfy her chocolate craving.

Rachel takes a sip of water, cleansing her palate, before taking the offered bite of cake.

"Mmm, thank you." She takes a sip of water and clears her throat, "Okay I know this sounds crazy but I am so interested in this story. So he just comes up and says what?"

"Yeah, so he's like 'I know you're having money trouble. But I want you to know you're super hot. And guys on campus would pay good money to spend a night with you' or whatever."

Quinn lowers her voice to imitate Puck and Rachel nearly chokes on her cake while laughing. She has never seen Quinn so animated while telling a story before.

"And I was like, 'ew, just stop, you're disgusting'. But then he says to me that that's not what he means. He basically tells me to watch this movie Easy A and start selling dates with myself. And at first, it sounds ridiculous. I can't imagine who would pay money just to go on a date with me and nothing else. But Rachel…I made so much money. Like hundreds of dollars."

Rachel's eyes widen. "Seriously? Just going out with people?! Doing what?"

"All sorts of stuff, usually family dinners and galas. Most people that go to Yale, or any Ivy really, come from money. Prestigious money. Where it's all about looks and presentation. No one cares about what you do behind closed doors. It's all about what people can see on the outside. And few things are more impressive than bringing a Fabray around New Haven. My family practically built that university with their money and bare hands. My like great great great great great…I don't know how many greats, but my grandfather invested so much money into the campus that his name is on the business building."

Rachel's smiles disbelievingly. "No way! I had no idea!"

Quinn nods, not as impressed with the fun fact. "Yup. Lucius Fabray School of Business. That's how I got my name actually. Every generation alternates between Russell's and Lucius'. They were brothers that together helped found Yale. But never in our entire lineage has anyone had just one child that was a girl. My parents struggled getting pregnant with me so when they did, they didn't want to chance naming me something random and then trying again for a boy. So thus, Lucy Quinn Fabray was born."

"Oh, wow." Rachel says, highly impressed as she takes another bite of her cake.

"Yeah, so anyway. These guys would just cart me around to family dinners or galas as their dates. Their mothers adored me and their fathers always talked my ear off about sitting down with my dad. But even still, it was easy money. They paid at max a couple hundred bucks for the night. And it was simple. But even after Layla offered to pay half of it, I would've had to go out nearly every night of the week to cover the rest. And that's what I did for a while.

"And…and Layla was fine with that?"

Quinn sighed. "She didn't love the idea and neither did I. I was in love with her, I didn't want to go out with anyone else. I wanted to be with her every free minute that I had. But I think she knew that we didn't have any other options. She was already borrowing money from her own account to pay half of my tuition. Her parents loved me but if they knew, they would've been furious. She knew how hard it had been for me to find a job and so when I suggested this, she was understanding about it. We both agreed that since it wasn't romantic or sexual, then it wouldn't affect us."

"When did the cheating happen?"

"That's where things get messy," Quinn says poking her cake with her fork. Anything to avoid looking directly at Rachel.

"One day, this guy, a total nerd, like the kind of guy you picture when you think Ivy League, asks me out on a date. Just a simple dinner and a movie so I agreed. While we're out, he offers to double my pay for the night in exchange for a handjob."

She is cutting a chunk of cake from the slice but even still, she doesn't miss the look of disgust that passes across Rachel's face. But Rachel told her to let out every little detail, even the stuff she didn't want to hear. And she knows they'll never get passed this if she doesn't put it all on the table right now.

"I was already short for the week, which had been happening more and more lately and I hated myself for it, but I said yes. In the end, I walked away with $450 in _one_ night. And after that, it just got easier and easier."

Rachel stops chewing entirely. "What..what do you mean? Are you saying you did that all the time?"

She can't even look Rachel in the eyes as she nods her head.

"You made me think you cheated once. That it was a mistake. That it was a regret."

"It _was_ a regret, Rach. I never wanted to hurt Layla. I tried to keep everything quiet because I didn't want her to know."

"Of course you didn't Quinn, no cheater wants the other person to know."

Quinn puts her fork down and reaches her hands across the table, placing them on Rachel's still ones.

"Listen Rachel, I didn't want her to know because I loved her and I didn't want her to think otherwise."

"You slept with…how many people exactly?"

She shakes her head though. "No Rach, we're not going to do that. Some details don't need to be discussed."

"Do you even know?" Rachel whispers, and it's evident that the question isn't meant to sting. It's born out of genuine curiosity and disbelief that the same person she's been sharing a bed with for the last three months once spent years cheating on someone she claimed to love.

"How is that love Quinn? Cheating isn't love," she whispers pulling her hands out of Quinn's grasp.

"I didn't think of it that way. I thought of it as work. That's all it's ever been to me. Just a job. Sex is just my job."

"But you…were you still having sex with her?"

"Yes, I had to. Even though at that point, I knew for sure I wasn't interested in sex, I didn't want her to be suspicious. I didn't want her to think she wasn't good at it or something, so we still had sex. But I always used protection with everyone else. And they submitted health forms, it was..it was like a business. And I know that sounds awful but that was how I was able to afford a quality education."

Rachel doesn't know what to think. This is not at all what she imagined Quinn telling her. She knew about the porn. She knew about the cheating and she knew about the abortion. But she had no idea that the cheating had lasted years with numerous guys. That worried her. She could chalk a one night stand up to just a silly mistake, but Quinn had made the conscious decision to cheat on Layla and didn't seem to be too remorseful because to her it was just work. Was Quinn capable of doing that with her? Sleeping with other people under the guise of work? And was she okay with that?

Just then the waiter comes back to refill their water and leaves the bill, telling them to pay at the cashier whenever they're ready. Unfortunately for the waiter, they're nowhere near ready. Rachel still has so many questions. She reminds herself to keep her temper in check and to remain nonjudgmental.

"What do you think? Maybe you had sex with 100 guys or so?"

This time the question doesn't sound so angry to Quinn's ears, just sad. Which splits her heart in two.

"I'm not sure Rachel, but just try to remember that it never meant anything to me. Not once."

"I know, it just amazes me that you can stand sex with random guys but not _me._ I mean, I _love_ you."

Quinn reaches for hand and when she doesn't pull away, she laces their fingers together and stares at them for a long minute before answering strongly, "Baby, if you want me to, if it means so much to you, I will have sex with you. But I don't think sex should be forced. I know that you're used to equating sex with intimacy, but if you can just try to see things from my perspective. I do this because it means nothing to me. Sex already meant so little to me and after college, I just stopped caring all together. I have watched people beg, steal from their parents, lie to their girlfriends, cheat, and so much more for _sex._ You can find it anywhere, you can buy it for the right price. But you know what someone can't buy from me? Not ever? My heart. The way I feel about you transcends anything I've ever experienced. No one could pay me enough to open up to them the way I willingly do with you. I am myself with you and only you and everyone else gets just a figment of their own imagination and I walk away with thousands of dollars. I've never believed that love is sex, nor do I look at sex as love. It's just my job. But my heart isn't in it, I promise you that. You have my heart. It stays in your hands. Always."

She squeezes Rachel's hands gently.

Rachel's eyes are watering with unshed tears. She supposes Quinn has a point. Sure, she hates the thought of her having sex with anyone else, but what is sex compared to the conversations they've had? What is it in comparison to the laughs they've shared and the memories they've made together? She's been happier in these last three months than in her entire life and they hadn't needed sex to fill the silence.

They had filled it with passionate kisses and embarrassing stories about their childhoods, mostly from Rachel, but she suspected now that everything was out of the table, Quinn would be even more likely to open up, meaning they would be even closer than before.

"So it sounds like you plan to continue the..online stuff?" She swallows, hardly wanting to know the answer.

Quinn sighs, "Honestly, I'm not sure. Obviously, this right here is the most important thing to me, so it's more your choice than mine. If it's something you can't be okay with, then I'll have to find something else, I guess. But, if I'm being truthful, I like my job. You know, people always look at porn stars and feel bad for them. As if we've been casted this awful lot in life and now we're stuck doing this. But really, I choose my own hours, I get the final say with who I work with, I negotiate my pay and the pay is...pretty great. It has so many benefits that it's something I could continue, but like I said…it's up to you."

Well there is her answer. Quinn would give it up if Rachel asked, but Quinn enjoys the job. The thought makes Rachel cringe but she struggles to remind herself that of all of the benefits mentioned, the pleasurable sex wasn't one of them. Quinn doesn't enjoy sex, with anyone. Not with strangers, not with the girl she was in love with in college, and she most likely wouldn't enjoy it with Rachel either. And it has nothing to do with her, it is all about Quinn. Her preferences and her own idea of what love is.

And Quinn is right, love isn't sex. Rachel knows that well enough. Whether or not they ever have sex, it in no way lessens her affections for Quinn and she's certain Quinn feels the same.

She pulls her hands from Quinn's grasp and places them on her stomach.

"I'm stuffed. Want the last bite?"

Quinn looks confused for a moment at the sudden change of topic. She looks down and sees that there is in fact one last piece of cake on Rachel's plate and she frowns.

"Uh, no thanks. I don't like cherry cheesecake."

"Really? And have you ever had it before?" Rachel asks knowing the answer is probably no. Quinn is notorious for saying she hates things she's never even tried.

"No, but I don't like cherries and you know that," Quinn says rolling her eyes and reaching for the bill.

"Yes, but babe, this is cherry cheesecake, it's different," Rachel scoops up the cake onto her fork and holds it out to her. "Just try, you never know."

Quinn would need all of her hands and toes to count the number of times Rachel has told her to try something she had previously declared hating. By now, she's learned not to fight her on it though and she opens her mouth reluctantly.

Rachel feeds her the cake and she almost gags. Apparently the only thing worse than cherries is cherry cheesecake. She immediately spits it into a napkin and stands abruptly with Rachel following.

"I swear that's the last time I taste anything off your fork. I'm done. It's never good. No matter what you try to tell me."

Rachel just laughs as they head towards the register. She watches as Quinn pays and signs the receipt and considers for the first time just how often Quinn pays. Just how often Quinn has surprised her with flowers at work or a new dress for a night on the town to see a show or even just bought more groceries to make more vegetarian dishes just for her. She wonders briefly if every single dime came from Quinn's x-rated movies. If so, she's unsure how she feels about that.

But as they leave the small café, Rachel reaches out to hold Quinn's hand. She brings it up to her lips and kisses it gently, thanking her for the dessert. Quinn is too afraid to say anything that will ruin the moment, so she says nothing at all and they walk in silence for a while, headed nowhere in particular.

"Dating Finn was one of the hardest things in my life," Rachel finally says. Quinn doesn't respond, feeling a story coming on so she just listens patiently.

"I told you, he always made me feel so bad about myself. He used to get on me about how all I ever talked about was NYADA and Broadway and Barbra Streisand and Funny Girl. He was always so upset that my dreams were bigger than anyone else's in that small ass town. And once, he even said to me, 'Why can't you just be satisfied with this life here in Lima like everyone else? Why do you have to go off and be someone fancy? Why can't _I_ be enough?' And I told him, that I wasn't meant to be a Lima loser. It wasn't in my blood. I was meant for New York and Broadway and I couldn't change who I was. Not for him. Not for anybody."

Rachel looks like she has more to say so even though Quinn wants to congratulate her on not letting him hold her back, she stays silent. Her patience is again rewarded.

"My point is that I don't want to be your Finn. I don't want to be the one asking you, 'Why can't you just be like everyone else and enjoy sex?' It wasn't fair of you to keep any of this stuff from me, but it's also not fair of me to ask you to change. It's not fair of me to say that who you are is somehow flawed because it doesn't align perfectly with who I am. You are who you are and if I want to be with you, which…I do, then I need to learn to live with this. And like I said, I don't know if I can or not, but I have to try. We can try…right?"

Rachel sounds so hesitant and so nervous but Quinn is so overjoyed to hear her say they can get past this that she just has to stop walking and feast her eyes on this amazing woman.

She wants to say something but there are no words in the human language to describe how ridiculously happy she is right now. Both of her hands cup Rachel's face and she leans in quickly to join their lips together.

They both immediately sigh into the kiss and Rachel opens her mouth at once to peek her tongue out in search of Quinn's. She has missed this so much. And, for the first time in a while, she isn't thinking about what could come after this kiss. She isn't imaging taking things further. She just allows herself to be in this moment with Quinn, wrapped together in the closeness of their own love. She lets herself feel all the love Quinn has for her in this one kiss and she hopes Quinn feels her love as well.

She may not have her body, but Quinn's heart belongs to her. She has never been surer of anything.

And she decides that this can be enough for her. It has to be.

 **###**

 **I hope this chapter explains things in a bit more detail. I took all of the reviews into consideration while writing. I know many of you were surprised by the revelation that Quinn was asexual, but hopefully this explained things. If not, I apologize. I also tried to switch points of view so you could see both sides of the story. But either way, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I appreciate all of the reviews! And the follows and favorites while I was gone also make my day! Thank you for being patient. Until next time! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh come on, Quinn!"

"Babe, stop. I said no."

"You're not being fair," she pouts.

Quinn shakes her head as she slips on her heels. "Rachel, I'm just grabbing dinner with him. It's not even going to be that interesting. I don't see why you'd want to come."

"Because Q, you have never had a friend visit in New York. That I know of," she adds cautiously, but Quinn shakes her head. "Okay, see? You've never had a friend visit so therefore I've never met any of your friends. Not only is that weird, but this is a great chance for us to change that. I want to hear embarrassing stories about you during college and find out things you didn't intend to tell me until _after_ we were already married."

Quinn laughs at that as she digs through her closet for shoes.

"Sooo, you mean like if I've ever done porn before?"

Rachel rolls her eyes. She had forgotten for a moment that all of Quinn's dirty laundry was already airing out to dry.

"I just don't see why I'm not allowed to come," until a thought crosses her mind. "Unless this is like a business meeting or something?" Rachel's mood shifts immediately. Quinn watches her facial expressions change from irritation, to frustration, to something unrecognizable.

It's been about a month since they agreed to work things out and things between them have been going well enough. Mainly because Rachel refuses to talk about work stuff. Quinn has mentioned things casually on a few occasions but more often than not, Rachel changes the subject. She's willing to accept on some level that Quinn enjoys her job and would like to continue doing it, but she is nowhere near the point of allowing her to actually do so or even wanting to talk about it in any detail.

"It's not a business meeting. Business may come up as Puck is the person who filters a lot of my offers, but I don't anticipate the whole meeting being about work. I haven't seen him in months."

Rachel nods, "Okay, then I'd like to come too."

Quinn just sighs. She has nothing to hide. Not anymore. But still, she was hoping to use this evening with Puck as a chance to explain the situation with Rachel and get the work stuff out of the way. She had every intention of introducing the two, in fact, she was excited for Puck to meet her, thinking for sure they would hit it off. But tonight was not the night she anticipated them meeting.

"Baby, tell you what," She approaches Rachel who already looks like she's about to argue with whatever Quinn is going to say, "We can all grab lunch or dinner tomorrow. Tonight I just want to catch up with him and talk shitty nonsense or whatever. I don't want you to feel excluded which you will because we have like a thousand inside jokes. So please, just stay here?"

Rachel opens her mouth to combat her, but Quinn quickly leans in to silence her with a deep kiss. It buys her a few more seconds to try a different approach.

"I'll miss you, though. The whole time."

"You could just take me with you," Rachel says with a small smile, but fortunately it's obvious to Quinn that she is no longer in the mood to argue.

Quinn has won this round.

"Or we could spend a few hours apart and make out like we haven't seen each other in years when I get home." Quinn smirks at her, giving her one last kiss on the cheek before pulling away to slip on her shoes.

"I cannot wait," Rachel says falling back onto the bed and the awkward tension that fills the room is palpable.

The sarcasm dripping from Rachel's voice tells Quinn that she's not impressed with her proposal.

That's been happening more and more lately. Quinn will suggest cuddling after dinner or a night out and Rachel will sarcastically respond with a "sounds magical" or something equally obvious. It breaks Quinn's heart every time because she knows it's not enough. She knows that every effort she makes to make Rachel happy will fall short because Rachel wants the whole thing, but she ignores the comments. One the one hand she has no clue what to say and on the other hand, she also reminds herself that it will take time. Rachel's willing to give this a chance but it will still take some getting used to.

She sighs gently and grabs her keys, coming over one final time to lean down and place her forehead against Rachel's.

"I love you."

Rachel smiles broadly and leans forward to kiss her. "Love you too."

Quinn pauses for a moment soaking the sight of her in before pulling away and out of the bedroom.

Just as she reaches for the front door handle, she hears a shuffling behind her and has but a moment to realize what's happening before Rachel throws herself into Quinn's body and hugs her close.

"Just one more for the road."

Quinn wraps her arms around her waist and softly caresses her back.

Rachel buries her face in Quinn's neck and takes a deep breath.

Yes, the last few weeks have been tough because all she wants to do is make love to Quinn.

Yes, the last few weeks have challenged Rachel in a way she never thought possible.

But she loves this woman. There is no doubt about it. And though it is certainly difficult respecting Quinn's many boundaries, she's trying her hardest to learn to be okay with this.

So she kisses her one final time before pulling away, "Have fun, baby."

"Okay."

"But not too much fun."

"Okay," Quinn laughs as she pulls away. She really needs to get going. She's already so late.

"And text me when you get there so I know you made it safely."

"Okay Rach, I have to go."

"Yeah, okay." Quinn opens the door and turns around one more time to look at her. The expression on Rachel's face reminds her of a depressed puppy, looking as if she's being forsaken forever.

"Goodbye."

"Bye," Rachel whispers as she watches Quinn walk down the hall towards the elevator.

She doesn't shut the door until she sees Quinn wave through the nearly closed doors.

She sighs against the door and after a few moments to collect herself, she pushes away from the door already anticipating a few hours of alone time which she will fill easily with Broadway musicals and masturbation.

* * *

She spots him instantly, leaned up against the bar flirting with some unsuspecting blonde bimbo eating up his every word. She shakes her head at him and approaches him from behind, thinking of how she wants to play this situation.

"Oh Mr. Puckerman, funny running into you here," they both turn towards her, Puck is wearing a huge smile whereas the girl looks furious that someone is intruding on her time with him.

"I know your appointment isn't for a few more days, and surely this defies standard protocol, but since we're both here, I should let you know sooner rather than later that all 8 of your tests came back positive for Hepatitis, Crabs, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, genital herpes, and few other things I wouldn't feel comfortable naming in the presence of anyone else." She gives a quick, sad smile over to the blonde before turning her attention back to him.

He's smirking in a way she knows to mean that she will pay for this later, but she just presses forward with an internal smirk of her own.

"Anyway, I would recommend bringing your list of past sexual partners so we can make those phone calls. And," she turns to the mystery woman, smiling sadly, "you may want to come with him and get tested yourself, just to be safe."

Before her sentence is fully out, the blonde is shaking her head and slipping off of the stool. "No no! He and I aren't together," she nearly screams, sounding utterly repulsed at the thought. "I just met him. And I was actually just leaving." She says hurriedly leaving the bar area without so much as a glance or a goodbye to Puck and once she's out of earshot, he turns back towards her with a playful scowl on his face.

"You know you keep telling me you're a lesbian but then you do shit like that and it really makes me wonder if you actually want a piece of the Puckasaurus after all."

She laughs and steps into him for a hug. He's so much taller than her and she's always loved that about him. She settles her head on his broad chest and he holds her tightly.

"It just hit me how much I missed you," Quinn whispers into him.

"Really? Because it hit me the second you left." Quinn's eyes close, just enjoying the sound of his voice.

Is it possible that it's only been 4 months since they last saw each other?

"I got us a table if you're ready to eat," he says pulling away just so.

She nods and he keeps one arm wrapped around her shoulder as they walk over to a small table for two by the window. He pulls out a chair for her and waits until she's nearly seated to push it back in, then sits across from her.

"When did you become such a gentleman?" She tries to say it casually, but his kindness, coupled with their separation, is making her a little emotional.

He just shrugs and looks down at the menus and she knows that's as much as she's going to get from him. After such an intense start to their reunion, it takes a few minutes for them to get back to their casual, fun demeanor but once they order and Puck slouches a little in his seat, it's easier to get back to.

"So how've you been?" She asks, sipping on her water.

"Can't complain, I guess. Shits been busy at work but it's a job so I'll take it."

Quinn nods, knowing how much Puck hates work. He was a business major at Yale because they told him he had to graduate eventually and that meant picking a major. Any major. So he had chosen business because it seemed practical. Now he wore a suit every day and worked in an office from 9-5 doing God knows what in a decent sized cubicle that he shared with one other guy.

His passion had been football. His only desire in life had been to play in the pros. And Quinn is certain that it would've happened had he not been injured in his last college game. He had messed up his knee in such a way that it didn't seem possible to ever play rigorous sports again and it was then that he became grateful for his business degree. He now worked at an insurance company and made decent money and seemed relatively happy.

"That's good. And how about my stuff? Are we doing okay?"

Puck smiles wider this time. She's always found it a bit strange that he enjoys managing her pornographic business affairs more than his actual job. But if she's being completely honest, he's great at it and so she pays him 7% of her monthly earnings to manage her business affairs.

"Shit, I can't believe I didn't shout it at you the second we sat down. Quinn, you won't believe who called me last week."

Quinn quirks an eyebrow, "Who?"

"Dave Wallace from AVN!"

Quinn's smile waivers. "Who the hell is he? Was he pitching something?"

Puck looks at her like she's lost her mind. "Are you fucking kidding me?! I swear I know more about this industry than you do! No, he's from the Adult Video News!"

Quinn still isn't sure what to make of any of this. "Okay, just tell me what he wants because obviously I have no fucking clue."

Puck laughs and shakes his head. "Unbelievable. Anyway, Wallace called to let me know that a certain someone has been invited to the AVN Awards this year."

Now that gets her attention.

Though she has never watched the awards, she certainly knows what they are. Once a year, the AVN Awards are held as a sort of Oscars for the porn industry. And though she never expected an invite being a relatively new star, she certainly is excited to hear that she has received one.

"No fucking way!"

Puck just smirks at her. "Yes ma'am. But that's not even the best part."

Quinn can't imagine what more there could be.

"You've been nominated," Puck nearly whispers as if this is sacred information.

The smile immediately falls from her face and is replaced with utter surprise.

"Are you serious?"

"Yup. Best Oral, Best Amateur Release, Best Solo, Best Actress _and_ Best New Starlet. 5 categories Quinn! You're like the Taylor Swift of porn!"

She laughs aloud with him and finds herself getting slightly choked up.

In total, she's probably made about 20 films in the last year, a few of which were especially popular but never because of her. Mainly because she's worked with some pretty well-known guys from the amateur world. But even still, she's never considered the possibility of being nominated for anything she's done so far. She's so new, so unknown compared to other big names with more views and more followers than her. Though she has to admit that for a newcomer, she has made a surprisingly strong name for herself.

She runs her fingers through her hair and reminds herself to breath.

"This is insane. I cannot believe it."

"It gets better. We got a call from Reality Kings again."

She shakes her head immediately, not at all interested in signing something with them. Especially now.

"No no, hear me out, they don't want a contract. They didn't even mention it. They knew you'd say no. Instead they're asking for you to do a few exclusives with them. You with three of their top pros in 4 scenes and they're offering some serious money Quinn. They're paying-"

Quinn puts up her hand to stop him from saying more, knowing that if she hears the amount, she'll make a rash decision which she is no longer in any position to do.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to know how much it pays. You have to tell them no."

Puck instantly looks taken aback. "What? Quinn…I can't do that. What they're offering you is insane. Like…buy a new house and car in cash and take the next couple of years off from work _insane_."

Quinn lowers her head onto the table and sighs loudly. "Believe me Puck, I can only imagine what they're offering. And you know that if I had no one to answer to, I would say yes…"

She hears Puck sigh and lean back in his seat. "But _Rachel_ won't let you," she can't help but think there is some contempt in the way he says her name and it unsettles her.

She lifts her head from the table and looks him directly in the eyes.

"No, it's not like she controls me. She just isn't comfortable with this kind of stuff yet. And I told her we were going to take this at her pace."

"So what? You're just going to not work until she gives you the 'okay'?"

Quinn shrugs, feeling like a child when she thinks about it that way.

Puck rolls his eyes. "Okay, fine whatever. I'll tell them you'll take some time to consider it. In the meantime, you should really talk to her. Have you guys even discussed it since you got back together?"

"No, not really. She…she always changes the subject. I want to have a discussion about it. I think it will help, but I just don't think she can stomach that right now. It would already be hard to talk about if we _were_ having sex, but the fact that we're not is only making the porn thing worse. I think…I think she's already starting to hate me for holding out."

Puck leans back and his seat and huffs out a breath. He already doesn't like Rachel.

He's been on the receiving end of several emails where Quinn has detailed her attempts to get Rachel to at least talk about her career and every time the subject has been changed or altogether rejected. As much as Quinn tries to pretend it's not a huge deal, he knows her and he can tell that it really upsets her and he hates more than anything that there's nothing he can do about it.

He stares at her for a full minute, doing his best to squash any comments about how much Rachel sucks or how he doesn't think she's right for Quinn before he finally finds something to say that he thinks may be helpful.

"I know it sounds crazy, but maybe you two should sit down and watch some of your videos together. Maybe you could desensitize her to it and then she wouldn't think it was so taboo anymore?"

Quinn can't help but laugh at that. She can only imagine Rachel passing out if she ever suggested something like that.

"You don't know Rachel, she would never go for that," Quinn says it with mirth in her voice but sadness in her eyes.

"And at this point, I don't want to," Puck says rather loudly. A few heads turn their way and both of their cheeks tinge with red in embarrassment.

They both look off in random directions, unsure of what to say, until he speaks again, much calmer this time.

"Look, baby mama, all I'm saying is that if you want this to work, you have to find a way to get past the porn thing. You may not have been completely honest with her, but I know you do enjoy this job. It may not be what you envisioned, but still, we can all agree this is the easiest money we've ever made. Is this the job you're going to have for the rest of your life? Maybe. Maybe not. But it's where you are in your life right now and she needs to come to terms with that. Just like you've had to deal with her having school during the day."

Quinn snorts. As Rachel had said, those two things were not at all similar. Quinn having to find some way to occupy herself from 8-2 Monday through Thursday wasn't nearly as serious as Rachel needing to be okay with her being a porn star, but she nods anyway, understanding what he means.

"Yeah, I guess," she says effectively ending the conversation just as their Caesar salads arrive. "And don't call me baby mama, you know how I hate that," she adds quietly.

He nods, poking at his salad and they focus on eating for a solemn few minutes.

Though at first it seemed like they weren't going to survive it, that had been the very thing to really solidify their bond together. Senior year of college, just after finals, she had agreed to a drunken gangbang with Puck and a bunch of other guys from school. And somehow she had ended up pregnant and for the longest time, she didn't care to know how it happened or who the father was. There had been a video that made its way throughout the university but she had always been too embarrassed to watch.

Until one day, shortly after her breakup with Layla, Puck had offered to take her to lunch. It was then that he confessed that watching the video again confirmed what he had suspected. He was the one that had impregnated her. He had tried to apologize profusely. He had been beyond wasted and no one had a condom his size and he wasn't thinking properly.

But none of that mattered because despite his apologies, she had lost everything. Because of his stupidity, she reasoned, she had lost who she had assumed was the love of her life.

They hadn't spoken for nearly a month after that, until one day he approached her at a coffee shop table, so similar to the way they first met, and he sat across from her and immediately broke down in tears.

She had been so surprised, so in shock to see the usually so stoic Noah Puckerman crying with his head in his hands.

After a few minutes, he ran his large hand over his face and worked up the clarity to speak. He told her how sorry he was. And more than that, he told her how sad he was. That she had gotten rid of their baby and even told her that he was upset with her for making that decision on her own.

She recalls thinking in the moment that it was her body and it didn't matter who the father was because it was her choice to make and that getting rid of the baby was a better alternative than losing her entire livelihood. She hadn't considered even for a moment what the father might think because at the time she didn't know who the father even was. But then he was sitting right in front of her, crying for their lost child, just as she had done so often over the past few weeks, and she couldn't help but feel a surge of guilt course through her.

Sure, the decision to get an abortion was ultimately hers to make, but that didn't feel like a legitimate excuse for her selfishness when she had to watch the father of her unborn child deal with the consequences of _her_ actions.

It was in that moment that she and Puck had mended their friendship. They took some time to make apologies on both ends and they even allowed themselves to fantasize about what an awesome, good looking kid they would've made together. And then they had shared a long hug and agreed to let the past be the past.

But every once in a while, he refers to her as 'baby mama' and she is reminded of their baby and everything she could've had and it saddens her heart.

"Sorry for bringing that shit up."

Quinn just nods, accepting his apology.

They're food arrives and it manages to lighten the mood once more.

Quinn takes a bite of her risotto and leans back, "So, since Rachel probably won't want to go to the awards with me…wanna be my plus one?"

He lifts his head, his mouth full of food but still wide open in surprise. "Seriously?"

She smirks at him. "Only if you close your fucking mouth. Disgusting."

He quickly chews his food and wipes his mouth with a napkin before speaking again.

"Don't get my hopes up Quinn, are you being 100% serious?"

"Yes, I am. The odds of her wanting to go to something that celebrates my work is very unlikely and I know how hot you think all the women are."

He nods, already allowing his head to fantasize about the gorgeous women he'll have the opportunity to interact with. His biggest complaint is always that he handles the business aspects of her work, but never gets to meet anyone cool or watch any of the action unfold.

"Quinn, I will owe you huge if I actually get to go, but I really do think you should ask Rachel if she would want to go. The awards aren't until the New Year so you definitely have 4 or 5 months to work everything out. You should take advantage of that time."

It's hard for her to believe just how much he's grown since she met him four years ago and he never ceases to amaze her with his sporadic wisdom.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Maybe I'll talk to her about it when I get home."

Puck nods, apparently satisfied with that answer. They sit in silence for a few minutes before he looks up at her excitedly.

"Speaking of home…I'm not quite ready to let you go yet. Let's hit up a bar after this. I am dying to see what the night life is like here. Anything has to be better than Connecticut."

She laughs at that, "Yeah, it's way better but…I promised Rachel I'd be home at a reasonable hour."

"Psh, you're home at a reasonable hour every fucking night. You spend like every day with her. Come out and actually have some fun with someone of _legal_ age."

"We do not hang out every day," she shoots back at him and by the look on his face he too knows it's a bold faced lie.

Ever since Rachel started back to school, they've had less time during the day to be together so they always make the most of their evenings. Rachel still has work for a few hours every other night so really, they've had significantly less alone time.

But Puck's offer is so tempting. She hasn't had more than a glass of wine in one sitting since she's met Rachel. She can't take her out to bars nor does Rachel feel comfortable with underage drinking. And while she is no party animal, she still likes to have a good time and so she finds herself agreeing far too easily.

"Sure let's do it. Let me just text Rach to let her know."

Puck scoffs and makes a whipping motion with his hand. "Oh come the fuck on, babe. It's not even 8 yet. We won't be out long. But if you text her, she seems like the type to make you feel so guilty about shit you haven't even done that you'll change your mind."

He sees that Quinn is still skeptical. She has never been in a situation like this with Rachel because her entire time here in New York has been spent _with_ Rachel. But Puck makes a fair point. Rachel isn't her mother, she doesn't have to check in at 8pm about how their plans are changing.

"I promise I'll have you home before midnight, princess."

His smug expression bugs her and she throws a piece of broccoli at him.

"Shut up. It's fine. We'll go out and if it starts getting late, I'll text her then."

Quinn is determined to not look like one of those girlfriends who can't go an hour without their significant other, so when he holds out his hand clearly asking for her phone, she pulls it from her pocket with little hesitance and slides it to him.

"Great. Now, I'll take care of this until 12. Then we'll text her. Now, let's go get fucked up."

Before she can even protest and tell him about how she and Rachel wake up at 5 to go running on weekdays so she can't be too drunk, his hand is in the air.

"Excuse me, can we get the check?" He asks so obnoxiously that she's sure the whole establishment has heard. "My friend and I need to go have fun before her girlfriend calls to ruin the night!"

She covers her face and sinks down into her seat.

 _Great, yet another restaurant I can never come back to._

* * *

She has no concept of time since she has forgone a watch and handed over her phone. But honestly, after the first 3 shots, she stops caring about the time or what Rachel is thinking about her absence.

She has a drink in one hand and a girl's hand in the other, leading her to their table off the dance floor. She's been dancing all night long with this brunette, buying drinks for the both of them and having more fun than she's had in the last month combined.

The thought saddens her for a moment, even in her happy drunken state. She loves Rachel, of course, but things have been rather tense the last few weeks. It feels like Rachel is walking on eggshells around her, afraid to touch too much or kiss her too long or too passionately. And in return, she's been feeling guilty. For turning down Rachel's advances when they get too heated and for actually wanting to get back to her job.

Quinn shakes her head free of any guilt and focuses on the people at the table, yelling animatedly to one another over the music.

Puck was right. She needed to get out and have fun and this night has certainly provided her with plenty of that, mostly thanks to the two women hanging on their every word.

The two girls had approached them early on in the night and while Puck and Maddy danced, she sat awkwardly talking to Carly. Carly had assumed by her outfit choice that she was a lesbian, which wasn't unfair.

Shortly after Quinn and Puck had become friends in college, she realized that sundresses while hanging out with him just weren't practical. He liked to skateboard and go to the beach to surf when the waves in New Haven were high enough. So she had adopted a new look just for him. She had bought a few pairs of fitting skater shorts, a few longer tank tops, and some button ups for nicer occasions.

For tonight's outing, she had chosen a navy button up with anchors on it and a pair of skin tight blue jeans with Oxfords to match and her lesbian hipster look must have immediately alerted the friendly brunette to her sexual preference.

Carly had talked her ear off about her interests and her work and finally Quinn had had enough of her mindless chatter. She ordered two shots and encouraged the newly 21 year old to drink with her. And that had been the beginning of the end. From there, they had several more shots spread throughout the night with strong drinks in between.

Now Quinn is drunk and Carly is handsy, but it feels almost nice to have someone touching her without them constantly fearing that it's too much.

But despite the fact that she is definitely drunker than she had originally anticipated being and she has no desire to go home yet, she still has no intention of cheating on Rachel or going home with Carly.

So when Carly suggests body shots, she has to think about that one. Are body shots cheating?

Sober Quinn would say yes. And Rachel would agree with sober Quinn. But drunk Quinn somehow reasons that though it may be mildly inappropriate, it is certainly not a crime and she agrees. She asks Puck to get her two shots of tequila and some salt and when he returns, he steals one for himself to do with Madison.

While Madison lays on the table, lifting her shirt, Carly remains upright and licks her lips and her index finger as Quinn watches. She's sure the action is supposed to tease her or turn her on, but she just stands there, curious as to where this is going.

She sprinkles a little salt onto her finger then rubs the salt onto her lips and at once, even drunk Quinn knows that's not allowed. The idea was for her to lick it off of her body, which was bad enough. Licking it off of her lips is the most disgusting thing ever, leaving her with no choice but to kiss her to suck the salt off. And _that_ definitely sounds like cheating.

She shakes her head and takes an unconscious step back, but Puck puts his hands on her shoulder and leans close to her.

"You're not into this kinda stuff, so it's totally fair game."

It's such flawed logic, and if only she were sober, she would see that. But she's drunk out of her mind and so she quickly leans forward to suck eagerly on Carly's lips. The taste is bitter, but she deals with it, not at all stopping to enjoy the feeling of her lips on someone else's.

The shot she's supposed to drink is nestled in between her breast and she lazily rolls her eyes as she leans down to pick up with her mouth and tip it back. Then she leans forward once more to retrieve the newly placed lime from between Carly's lips.

She sucks on it to relieve the burning in her throat and winces at the taste.

"Another round? Perhaps somewhere a little more scandalous?" Puck asks the table but only seems to have eyes for the blonde in front of him, running her hands all over his body.

Before Quinn can respond that she may need some time otherwise she'll be sick, Carly speaks up, but really only for her ears.

"Actually, it's getting late. Wanna get out of here?"

She is staring into her eyes and if she were interested in sex and not in love with someone else, this girl would be her undoing.

"Um, no, I can't. I have-"

"Shit fucking shit, Quinn."

Quinn immediately turns towards Puck who looks like he has seen a ghost. And when she looks down into his hand, she thinks she takes on his expression.

Her phone is lit up with the time and more notifications than she's ever had in her life and she knows exactly who they're from.

* * *

They don't even say goodbye to the girls, and she thinks for sure she'll hear about that in the car on the way home, but Puck just keeps apologizing for not watching the clock better. And maybe in the morning, she'll be more upset with him, but right now, she's mainly upset with herself.

 _I should've never agreed to go out. She's literally going to murder me._

The last text had been 30 minutes ago, the text that caused her phone to vibrate hard enough for Puck to finally feel it. Though how he missed the other 20 texts and 6 calls, she'll never know.

 ** _Quinn, what time will you be home?_**

 ** _Baby?_**

 ** _Quinn, it's getting kind of late. Will you just call to let me know you're okay?_**

 ** _Baby, I'm really getting worried and it's after midnight. Please call me asap._**

 ** _QUINN! ARE YOU OKAY? WHERE ARE YOU? I HAVE CALLED, TEXTED, LEFT VOICEMAILS AND STILL NOTHING FROM YOU. CALL ME._**

If she thought the texts were bad, listening to the voicemails had been positively heartbreaking. Rachel sounded like she had been crying and Quinn felt awful. She wanted to call and tell her she was fine in the cab ride over but Puck had suggested she just wait. It was only a 20 minute ride and then she could explain things in person.

So that's what she did. But now as she's drunkenly trying to put her key in the lock and in retrospect, it might have been better to call first so Rachel could at least get the door for her.

But her struggling is quickly put to an end when the door flies open, revealing a frantic, frazzled looking Rachel Berry.

She opens her mouth to immediately apologize, but Rachel pulls her in by the arm as she begins what is sure to be a night of screaming.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, QUINN?"

Quinn swallows and tries to prepare and filter her drunken thoughts before allowing them to come out of her mouth, lest she say something regrettable.

"I was out having a good time. Just chill baby."

Something like that.

Where the hell was her filter?

Oh right, it retired for bed early, just as it did anytime she drank more than a couple glasses of anything.

Rachel freezes and she tries to back track.

"No no, I—that wasn't supposed to be the thing out of my mouth for the first words. I was gonna say sorry…yeah yeah…sorry."

For as drunk as she is, she is quite impressed with that sentence. Not perfect but it gets the point across.

Rachel squints and stares at her for a minute before shaking her head.

"You're wasted."

Quinn shakes her head but stops once she realizes how it makes the room spin.

"I cannot believe this." She runs her fingers through her hair in a way that really makes Quinn worry that she will literally pull her hair out.

Quinn opens her mouth to speak, but immediately closes it and places her hand over her lips. Realizing what's about to happen, she takes off towards the bathroom, leaving a furious Rachel to shake her head in utter disbelief.

She throws everything back up. The vodka, the rum, the body shots, even the risotto. Which was the best she'd ever had, so she really feels sad to see it go. When she finally stops vomiting, she lays her head on the toilet and focuses on just breathing.

She's still so so drunk. And if she were back in college, this would be the moment she washes her mouth out and heads back to the party, ready for whatever is next.

But what awaits her outside of this bathroom is no party and she is most definitely not ready.

After at least half an hour of waiting for the nausea to pass, she finally manages to scramble to her feet and turn on the shower.

She steps into the tub and lets the steaming hot water run over her and instantly she feels better. Not sober, but better. After 15 minutes trying to soak off the stench of alcohol and smoke, she reappears in the bedroom in just a towel to find clothes.

Surprisingly, Rachel is in bed and looks to be asleep already so Quinn walks around quietly, preparing for bed herself.

She climbs in a few minutes later, teeth brushed and hair dried as much as possible and lays on her side to face Rachel. This is the first night ever that Rachel has laid on her side of the bed. Usually they meet in the middle and spoon or Rachel will lay her head on Quinn's chest, but tonight she feels the loneliness on her own side of the bed.

She watches Rachel's even breathing and wants so badly to lean over and just touch her, but she knows she's in trouble.

But the fact that she shouldn't isn't enough to stop her as her hand reaches out to push the hair away from Rachel's face.

"I just wanted to have fun. I didn't mean to make you worry," she whispers to seemingly no one, but she is shocked when she gets a reply.

"I didn't realize that getting shit-faced was your idea of fun." Rachel sounds tired and downright miserable.

"My idea of fun has changed since I met you and everything…It's just that with Puck in town, we just fell back into old habits. I really am sorry baby."

Rachel sighs and turns over, her back now facing Quinn. She says nothing for a few minutes and Quinn closes her eyes, accepting that the conversation is over. And just as she begins to succumb to sleep, Rachel speaks softly.

"You call it an old habit but I can't help but wonder if it's just who you really are."

Quinn hears it, vaguely, and purposely chooses not to answer.

Because Rachel makes a fair point.

She thought for sure she was over the porn, she thought she wanted to start over and start fresh but having to defend herself and her profession to Rachel made her realize that she by no means hates it. Is it her passion? No. She isn't sure _what_ she's passionate about. And like Puck said, is she going to be doing it for the rest of her life? Probably not. But right now she enjoys the easy money and relaxed schedule.

She also thought for sure she was over the party scene. She used to party a lot with Puck and was used to Layla not worrying too much about her because she trusted her. She used to get drunk and crash at Puck's or wherever else the party was being held and Layla was good about not hovering. After the pregnancy, she had refrained from parties but there also hadn't been too many opportunities after graduating college. Going out with Puck tonight had reminded her of all the fun she _could_ have. She had forgotten what it felt like to go out and drink too much and dance all night.

And the realization that she misses that life is her last thought before falling into a restless asleep.

 **######**

Guys. I am so sorry. I didn't expect summer to be so busy and getting back to school was rough. And by the time I was ready to start writing again, I had to reread the last few chapters of both stories to get a feel for them all over again. That being said, we should be back on track with semi regular updates of either story! Again, I am so sorry to have kept you waiting so long. I know one particular review of this piece said of course I had given up on my stories, but please know that I am a writer as well as a reader and I know how frustrating it is when stories I love go unfinished. It's the worst feeling to never get that closure, so I am going to finish both Contracts and Bed of Lies! Promise!

Anyway, I hope you guys aren't too upset and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. This chapter was a hard chapter to write because it was like writing the old version of Quinn when I had become accustomed to this new, sort of post-porn Quinn. But it was not without purpose that this chapter existed.

Lastly, I love you guys and appreciate your follows, favorites, reviews, and most importantly, your patience! Until next time!


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